Why you shouldn't let them back in: my breakup journey

All my hardest work came after the break up. During this first round of no contact, I did all my healing. I found out where I went wrong in all my previous relationships, I found out where my anxious attachment began in childhood. I rebuilt myself and I was so proud of who I had become.

Then came the moment he broke no contact. He said he was thinking of me a lot. Ill keep it short but we tried to be friends, but I found my heart still reaching for him back. He has never given an indication he would want to try again but I guess he still wanted me in his life. I kept telling him I needed time and space.

I broke no contact once. Just to wish him luck during his court case. The incident was he had a mental episode and did some property damage. Turns out his case was postponed, but he was extremely appreciative that I wished him well.

He's broken no contact several times and I guess the last time we were both feeling extremely vulnerable and shared a lot. He said he still loved me and didnt want things to end, but he couldn't reciprocate the love I felt for him because he didnt love himself and couldn't see himself learning how to do that while being with me. After we broke up, I used my notes app to process everything, all the thoughts, letters id write to him and never send. But during this vulnerable state I sent one to him. It was actually a kind letter thanking him for leaving because it set me free to become the person I needed to be.

I told him that I hoped the sacrifices he made helps him become the person he wants to be in this life and I wished him all the best. I hoped that would be the end of it.

Everytime he has reached out its confused me as my head has moved on, but my heart wants him back. Then my heart has to learn to let go all over again.

Then yesterday it was like he sent a response to the letter I sent him. I know hes not much of a writer so it left me feeling so much more confused than ever. Why would he put all that effort in. It doesnt make sense. I sent him a voice note back saying how confused it makes me and by reaching out all hes doing is softening the blow of the guilt he feels for hurting me. And that if we were friends, he would never treat me like a friend, he'd treat me differently and hold me at arms length and I didnt want that.

I guess if you've read this far, my point is, dont let them back into your life under no circumstance. This experience has really hurt my ability to move on and im feeling stuck. I wish I had never replied when he first reached out because I've stopped my growth, I was moving in such a good direction. I was so happy to hear from him, but now I know it was never going to be worth it.

So now I start again

Last updated on:2026-08-07T04:14:11+05:30