My ex contacted me on Spotify. They have a messaging feature where you can share songs and chat. He shared how much he loves and misses and then I found out that he has a girlfriend💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 I told him that we shouldn't be talking behind her back. we chatted for 3 or 4 days but I felt a lot of guilt and shame because he had a girlfriend. I also felt angry, sad, disrespected, because he chose to stay with her because he was afraid I would leave him. I wouldn't leave him if he could learn to process his feelings and let the past go and stop attacking me and calling me liar and saying that I never change. I have to be honest that he is verbally and physically abusive and I am embarrassed to admit that because I was lonely. I was considering going back to that after 4 months of no contact. I tried my best. I listen to the audiobook fight right. I answered all of his questions honestly for hours. I didn't date for about 10 years before we met because I was dealing with trauma from past relationships and trying to heal from previous breakups and trauma for my childhood and I was just honestly depressed and he doesn't believe me. there were a lot of issues in our relationship and I feel like because he's insecure in a lot of areas he tears me down to feel better about himself.
the good news is I had a really good counseling session last night that really helped me to process everything because I didn't feel comfortable telling my family that I was talking to him again because I was embarrassed and ashamed. he actually wanted me to live in limbo until September 14th about him making a decision between me and his girlfriend. he said he wanted to talk to his counselor first, which I agreed was a good idea. but he also wanted to continue to sleep with his girlfriend when he got back from work because he works out of town. I just felt like I was setting myself up failure. no decision is a decision. if he's staying with her now then that really means that he's going to stay with her later. I didn't want to give him all the power. I didn't think it was fair to leave me in limbo. I didn't think it was fair to her to keep talking and having an emotional affair for the next 2 weeks. also, the anxiety and the stress it was putting me through was just too much. I also realized that I deserve someone who not abusive and emotionally available and single and would never make me feel like second fiddle or not good enough. I should be someone's first choice And only choice, not their backup or their fallback. I told him it was best if he took the time to explore this relationship without any pressure. I said I only wanted to talk to him if he could deal with his anger and jealousy issues and he was single. that he shouldn't bother contacting me again until he is single and is divorced and knows where his daughter will live and his criminal case is over because his ex-wife has filed charges against him for being abusive and he should not contact me until he can listen to the truth and forgive me. honestly, I don't think I want a relationship with him anymore. nothing has changed with him. after 4 months he told me he hasn't worked to process things that happened between us and I don't think he ever will. he just goes from one relationship to another to avoid being alone. I spent the last four months reading books and working on the things that I did wrong in our relationship. I read a book on honesty so I could work on being more honest and I practiced that in relationships with my family and friends. every few days I review my notes on how to fight right from the book. fight right by the gottmans so then when I'm in a miscommunication I don't fall back into bad habits. I know I've grown and changed a lot. I tried to set boundaries with him when we were talking and I said that some of our problems we could only talk with in front of a counselor but he didn't want to respect my boundary. he kept pushing. I know my heart he doesn't really care about my mental health or how the questions he keeps asking over and over again affects me and tears me down. I know he isn't the right fit for me. When we were talking I could feel my anxiety increasing and me starting to sink into a depression and that I can no longer enjoy the present moment with my family. I'm happy I walked away. although I haven't mentioned the good times we have shared, he will always have a special place in my heart even though I know to you that will sound really messed up. so I walked away and I blocked him on everything because I had to my self first.
Last updated on:2026-09-03T05:16:39+05:30
Comments (7)
The abuse hurts. the anxiety and stress of trying to make someone happy who is never happy. tying to explain yourself to someone who can never understand.being angry at yourself for staying. feeling lonely and going back trauma bond or because they promise change but don't. it a cycle. I'm sorry that you went through it too. thank you for sharing your story so I don't feel so alone because I feel really alone.
how are you feeling in your body now that the contact is cut off for real?
lonely. I miss him but he cause to much stress and anxiety and couldn't meet my emotionial needs.
while he told me he was so inlove with me he texted another girl on spotify, after i found out i was destroyed. U made the right choice to block him
blocking him after he tried to keep you in that limbo was the strongest move. protecting your peace from the anxiety spiral is what finally let me start breathing again too.
thank you for sharing your story
i stayed with someone who tore me down the same way because being alone felt worse than the bruises and the constant accusations, and the guilt after almost going back still sits heavy sometimes.