i don’t know what’s wrong with me. whenever i reach out i get this anxiety from waiting for a notification from him. this is why i hate reaching out because i’d rather him do it instead. but i understand why he’s bothered by that. but what did he mean by if i want to feel pursued because i don’t initiate as much? it’s so bad how i’m still attached to him and that’s why im trying to step back a little without ruining the friendship. should i take more space? but what if the connection dies and either of us is reluctant to reach out again
Last updated on:2026-09-08T04:22:46+05:30
Comments (6)
i think taking a little more space could help, especially if every interaction leaves you waiting for his notification.
that part about wanting to feel pursued caught me too. do you think you want the friendship right now, or are you holding onto it because some part of you still hopes he'll eventually choose you again?
i’ve thought so much about it and tbh, forcing the friendship when i’m not ready will end up ruining it more. i did hope for that.
i'd reach out and then stare at my phone waiting for my ex to reply, and every minute of silence made me regret sending anything. being this attached while trying to stay friends is SUCH a painful place to be.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. It sounds like reaching out makes you anxious because once you do, you feel like you’re waiting for his response and your emotions become dependent on whether or not he replies. So it probably feels safer when he reaches out first because you don’t have to sit with that uncertainty.
I can also understand why he might feel bothered if he feels like he’s always the one initiating. When he mentioned you wanting to feel pursued, I think he might mean that you want reassurance through him being the one who reaches out and makes the effort, while he may be wishing you would show interest by initiating sometimes too.
And honestly, if you’re still attached to him, taking a little space might not be a bad thing. You don't have to completely disappear or ruin the friendship. You can just stop forcing yourself to constantly maintain the connection and give yourself room to detach a little.
I know you're scared that if you take space the connection might die, but a connection that can only survive if you're constantly afraid of losing it and reaching out to prevent it from fading isn't giving you much peace anyway. If the friendship is genuine, a little space doesn't have to destroy it. And maybe giving yourself some space will help you figure out whether you actually want the friendship, or whether you're holding onto it because you're still emotionally attached to him.
This comment gave me so much reassurance. Thank you, I really appreciate that very much. You may be right. I feel like i’m holding on to it because i thought there might be a glimpse of hope of us but there’s none. it messes with my head emotionally