Why can't i move on from his old situationship?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. We met in spring 2024 and have built a relationship that in so many ways feels amazing. We love each other deeply trust each other support one another through difficult times and are compatible in almost every way I can think of.
The problem started about a year ago when I learned more about his past situationships. He had only ever been in situationships before me and I’m his first official girlfriend. One conversation in particular stuck with me because he shared details he hadn’t mentioned before. I realized that many of the dates he planned with a former situationship were almost identical to the dates we had when we first got together. I also learned that things between them had only recently ended when we met and that he still seemed hurt by it at the time.
It left me feeling insecure and questioning whether I had been a rebound. He reassured me when I brought it up but later I ended up looking through old messages and discovered something that hurt even more. While we were already officially dating he and this former situationship were exchanging long letters for several months.
The letters weren’t romantic or sexual. They were completely platonic. But they felt incredibly intimate. They used nicknames talked about shared memories referenced movies they had watched together discussed mutual interests and even made plans to meet through a hobby they both enjoyed.
When I confronted him he was honest. He admitted it was a mistake said he should have been more transparent and told me he genuinely didn’t realize how it might look from my perspective. Eventually he cut contact with her on his own. By that point the letters had already stopped but they still exchanged the occasional message because of their shared hobby.
Now almost a year later I still can't fully move past it.
We've talked about it countless times. He's always listened reassured me and shown remorse. He has been loving caring and trustworthy ever since. Yet I still feel betrayed. What hurts most is that I only found out long after it was over. If I had known about it at the beginning of our relationship I honestly think I might have ended things right then.
Instead I spent a year building a deeper connection with someone I now love immensely. That's what makes this so complicated. Part of me feels angry about something that happened a long time ago while another part feels like the foundation of our relationship wasn't what I thought it was.
I don't want to end the relationship. He's given me no reason to doubt him since and I know he regrets how he handled things. But I can't stop replaying it in my head. Sometimes it feels like I'm only still here because I didn't discover the truth sooner.
Has anyone else struggled with finding out something from the early stages of a relationship long after the fact? How do you move forward when the issue isn't what happened but how it changed the way you remember the beginning of your relationship?

Last updated on:2026-06-16T13:55:43+05:30