What do you do when this is a pattern and hearing me clearly is only happening after they completely broke my trust? This is in the context of an on/off relationship going on two years and non contact atm.
Last updated on:2026-06-16T14:22:22+05:30
Why do they apologize only after breaking my trust?
Comments (14)
i stopped listening to promises and started looking at patterns. the thing that helped me was asking myself whether i'd seen real change before, or just really good apologies.
when they said they'd do better in the past, did anything actually stay different for more than a few weeks or did it always end up back in the same place?
I think they counted on their will to be able to live up to their promises. It was about defense and gaslighting and I told him he had to see a therapist for me to keep dating him. Then he called me abusive because I made an “ultimatum” that he agreed to. for me it’s more a condition when someone hurts me that they have to understand themselves what makes them continuously ignore accountability until it’s too late for my nervous system to trust and makes it harder and harder for me to have space to have patience and non-over explanatory conversations.
To answer the question: it hasn’t changed from the beginning to end. Not even for a few weeks.
my ex always found the perfect words AFTER the damage was done, and every apology felt so convincing until the same cycle came back around.
Thanks for commenting. Gosh, I really feel you.
oh the beautiful lies. this is love bombing to gain and pull you back. I fell for the beautiful lies so many times. the lack of follow through and continued behavior will speak for itself. I'm sorry. 🥺
Thank you so much for commenting. How do you understand love bombing? I honestly love the attention he’s given me because I genuinely think he loves me but doesn’t know how to keep me safe. That he genuinely psyches himself into believing that he can do it but let him and myself down over and over.
@Balloon love bombing can be a few different things. them doing grand gestures to win you back, the beautiful lies, the short periods of follow through. its just enough to real you back into the toxic cycle. If you are communicating your needs and how to love you and they are not following through or trying to heal/grow/figure it ou, thats not the love you want or deserve.
@WildNeo354 thank you for clarifying🙏
If they say they will do better, its only words. They need to prove they will do better. I find most of the time change is short lived, then they go back to their shitty behaviour
Thanks for commenting. I agree🩵
Happend to me, he did all that just worse second time
Thank you for replying! What do you mean “worse”?