after 3 weeks of the break up I met her best friend and she told me that when he talks about me he does it with hate, even when everyone tells him that he did everything wrong he kinda gets mad and he treats me like the worst and says that every time I try to reach out he rejects me more. The last weeks of the relationship it was me trying my best and even he was noticing it but it wasn’t enough. From day one after the break up he already was on dating apps and it looked like he was completely fine going out and having fun while I was at home for days crying every single minute. I was devastated and he knew it but did not care. we used to spend lots of time together since july last year when we started and he loved me a lot until the 3weeks before the break up when everything shifted. i just can’t understand after all the love how he doesn’t have any compassion for me, knowing that the person that he loved the most is devasted .. I don’t know if he us trying to hate me in order to feel better with his actions? will that change? i assumed that im not gonna be with him but I just can’t understand how he hates me that way when I am just crying and having such a horrible time. Where that person with that big heart that would do anything for me went? how can someone shift that fast? The only thing that he said and kept saying after the break up was that he couldn’t be like always with me thats the only reason he gave me… and then he asks me to move on… and I know i am asking questions when he doesn’t even know the answers but I just can’t understand how can be so calm about it and not understanding how broken I am and keep punishing me that way and kinda reassuring himself thinking that he did everything right when everyone is telling him to slow down and think. He got so mad because I found out he was texting multiple people and also was on dating apps, I told him that how can that be possible 2 days after the break up and he was twisting thing making me feel the worst just because I found out….
it is so devasting and i literally don’t know how to move one. because again, I cant believe that is the same person 3 weeks ago would kill for me…
Last updated on:2026-10-16T19:06:50+05:30
Comments (6)
selfish
do you think you're holding on more to the person he was during the relationship, or to the hope that he'll eventually understand how badly he hurt you
This resonates with me SO much because I went through something really similar. My ex and I were together for almost two years, had so many plans for our future and we where about to move in together.
Like you, I tried so hard towards the end to make things work, but it felt like nothing I did was enough..and suddenly the person I loved so much was gone. Even before the breakup, I could feel him emotionally detaching, and afterwards, his behaviour was honestly shocking. He was talking badly about me, reposting things mocking me, and treating me like I was someone he couldn't stand. I kept wondering how someone who once told me we'd be together forever could suddenly treat me like that.
What hurt even more was how cold he became when we exchanged our belongings. When I told him how much his behaviour had hurt me, he basically blamed me for us not being able to have a nicer goodbye, then blocked me before I could even reply. I wanted us to end things peacefully, too, but it felt like he only cared about doing things on his terms.
I've also struggled with wondering how he could seem so detached while I was falling apart. Sometimes I can talk about how badly he treated me and feel relieved to be free, and then a few hours later I'm crying because I miss who he was before to me. Healing really does come in waves man, but it's getting better day by day.
I don't know if our exes are trying to justify their behaviour to themselves or if they genuinely see things differently. I don't think we'll ever know for sure. But something I've slowly started realising is that I can't keep looking for the person they used to be in the way they're treating us now.
Please don't blame yourself for still loving him or for struggling to move on. I'm still healing myself, but I'm starting to feel more like me again, and people around me have even noticed how much happier and more open I've become. That gives me hope that we can get through this too. You don't have to understand how someone could treat you this way to start moving forward. And you don't have to stop loving overnight to choose yourself. Sending you the biggest hug. You're really not alone in this 🫂
had to stop asking my ex to understand my pain before i could start healing. i kept reaching out, hoping he'd finally show me some compassion, and every cold response just hurt me all over again.
i kept looking for the person i fell in love with, wondering how he could just switch off like that while i was falling apar
Without reading this in great detail, it’s called narcissism.