Looking for advice or just understanding on being discarded by an avoidant ex who was so loving and present in the beginning, and then chose to leave with no communication or conversation beforehand. For context, it was issues with low capacity/effort and depression too. We both still want to remain friends and will talk again in the future, but are taking space for now.
I truly loved this man and thought he was the love of my life and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It's been two months since the break up, and the grief still hasn't stopped and I still cry all the time. I know feeling the pain is part of the process, but it still hurts so much. 💔 He told me he wants to work on himself and needs time. And he could still see a possibility of us getting back together, but he also doubts if we are right for each other. I don’t want to hold on to false hope. Thanks to those who read this far or have something to share.
Last updated on:2026-10-14T06:27:39+05:30
Comments (12)
mute him or unfollow everywhere right now
Not a bad idea, but we still care about each other and that’s why we want to stay friends if we are able to in the future. Just using this time to heal and take space though so I will not be reaching out first anymore or making contact
I broke up with my fearful avoidant. his 73 year old roommate fills his tiny shot glass of the emotions that he can handle, so I get ignored and treated poorly because he loves me. its terribly sad.
I’m really sorry for your experience and thank you for sharing. It is terribly sad to be treated poorly from someone you love. Hope we are able to heal
We’re actually doing strict no contact at the moment. 🥺 Mine said he would come back to talk when he’s ready and when we’ve both had time to heal. But as much as I want to hold on to that possibility, I don’t want to hold on to false hope either. I’m trying to accept that he might come back, but he might not, and I can’t put my life on hold waiting to find out. I still love and care about him deeply, and it’s honestly so hard when you thought this was your person and pictured a future together 💔 I’m trying to focus on healing, growing, and working on myself so that I’ll be okay even if he never comes back, rather than waiting for him. I guess that’s one of the hardest parts: learning to let go of the outcome while still having feelings for someone. Sending you love because I know how painful this is. 🤍
Thank you for sharing and for your kind words. ❤️It sounds like we experienced a very similar heartbreak and situation. That is wise and true what you said about needing to let go of the outcome even while you still have feelings for someone. I’m trying to do the same thing and just focus on healing and working on myself and giving all that energy back to myself so I’ll be okay whatever happens, but it still hurts so much. The uncertainty is so hard. My ex and I are in a similar state where he told me he wanted six months alone to work on himself and figure out how he feels and we will talk when we’re ready. In the meantime I am not going to put my life on hold and be waiting for him, but I still want to have hope. Sending you love and best wishes too. ❤️
is he keeping in touch with you right now while taking space, or are you guys actually doing strict no contact
We were keeping in touch at first while wanting to stay friends, but we are taking a break from talking now and will be doing no contact for a while I assume. We both realized we need some space from each other to heal and things were starting to get resentful on both sides
my ex is also a avoidant person it’s the worst break ups you can ever go through we broke up just over a month ago I feel like he was my person I miss him so much everyday it’s so hard for me to see he is ok and I have a feeling he is talking to someone new and that breaks my heart even more I’m sorry you have to go through this too I wish we both could just feel better by now but one day we will say we made it ❤️
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too, and thank you for sharing. It really is the hardest thing I’ve had to go through in life too, and I also felt like my ex was my person and the one for me. Sending you love, and I hope you can give yourself all the love and support you need and deserve. I hope despite this terrible heartbreak, we will find our own peace and healing in time. ❤️
that sudden shift from loving and present to completely disappearing is a brutal kind of mind game. my ex did the exact same thing blaming his mental state and dropping that "maybe in the future" line, which kept me trapped in place for months holding onto hope while he got to walk away clean
It is so brutal and feels like a mind game, I’m so sorry you had to go through this too. The switch up from an avoidant person feels insane. I hope we both can find healing from the pain and confusion and give that love back to ourselves.