I made it two months. I have stared to online date. I haven't gone on a date or talked to anyone on the phone yet. The phone guy I really like is really busy with work, friends from out town, and boat projects. I can't tell if he is busy or no into or I am his fall back girl. I also can't tell if the is my anxious attachment style being impatient or my anxiety freaking out because he is getting close and I really like him and now I want to push him away. my ex was really clingy and so I got use to having no space even when I wanted and needed it for mental health. Now that this guy has his own hobbies and friends I just assume he doesn't like because I was in such unhealthy relationship before. can someone encourage me to be patient because healthy relationship take time. my ex rushed out relationship and love bombed and rushed commitment. this guy did say he want to take things slow but then my mind spirals that maybe he is still with a girlfriend or a wife. I'm just really stressed and anxious. I need to focus on something else. advice please.
Last updated on:2026-07-06T22:42:12+05:30
Comments (6)
i'm glad you're catching those thoughts instead of treating them like facts.
after a love bombing relationship, calm felt almost suspicious to me. i kept waiting for proof he didn't like me, when really i was just used to everything moving at FULL speed.
what he's actually doing that makes you think you're a fallback, or is your mind connecting it back to what your ex put you through?
Healthy relationships are a slow burn, however being busy is bs. If he is intentional with dating, no matter how busy he is, you would want to see you. if he really is as busy as he says, he would still communicate a time where he could fit you in. eg "my schedule is really full for the next 2 weeks, but id like to see you, what does your Sat 18th looking like"
As someone whos healed their anxious attachment, you really need to focus on their effort. If they aren't actively planning something with you, they are just stringing you along or just like having someone to communicate with. They can say all the right things, but if there is no action, its time to move along
you give such good advice. I love reading your replies.
@ItsNotEasy thats really sweet of you to say. Thank you