Why staying friends after a long relationship is so complicated

after my long relationship ended, i had to stop trying to be friends while i still wanted them back, because every little bit of contact just kept me stuck in that hope.

Being friends with someone you were in love with for that long won't work. It'll slow your healing process. I'd advice you to be civil with each other.

this sounds so painful, especially when you both still care about each other. when she says she wants to be friends, do you feel like she genuinely wants friendship, or are you hearing it as a chance that you two might get back together?

12 years is such a huge piece of your life to suddenly have missing. i wanting to stay friends with my ex because having nothing felt unbearable, while secretly hoping every conversation would bring us back.

I am really glad you both want to be friends. that is a good place to be. But take time to do it right. Take space to come back to yourself it is too fresh right now. It is too easy to hurt each other when it is this raw. You 2 clearly have something special if you both want to be friends still. Protect that and protect your heart from the pain of the ambiguity of becoming friends too soon before you have had time to process. it will probably be one of the hardest things you have ever done in your life. get support. if you have friends reach out to them. ask them to help hold you accountable to be there to process with when you struggle to stay aligned with your values. if you don't have those friends, pour your energy into making them. remind yourself you have the power to shape the relationships you want. find as many support touch points as you can and keep reminding yourself you don't have to do this alone. you really shouldn't do this alone

if the break is mutual which I guess it’s not take some needed time before becoming friends. you might hurt each other if there are still other feeling besides friendship.