I remember posting when I broke the first 115 days of NC. Since then, I've hit 120 days!
First, I want to say to anyone going through it right now, please know that it does get better. My first 115 was very hard, I was literally counting down the days until I heard from him again.
Now, I seriously just learned to move on. I still miss him, think about him pretty often, but I'm not stuck anymore. I don't see it as a lose anymore, because i didn't loose anything. I see it as freedom. So much in my life has changed because of this breakup and alot of healing and working on myself has transpired. Going back to my ex would not only be a violation of my boundaries, but it would destroy all the work and healing I've done on myself, and I just cant afford that.
I look forward to exploring the dating world, already went on about 2 dates, didn't go anywhere but definitely made some new friends, and thats totally okay! I'm in a partnership with myself now, to only accept what I know is good for me, whats best for the version of me I am becoming.
I am no longer stuck in the strings of an aviodant discard, and it feels almost unbelievable to even say that I don't want him back anymore. No ill will towards him, I just hope the best for him and that he's happy, that's all I can give to the situation now.
I still think about repair, still think about what it would be like to be with him as the version of myself I've grown to be from this experience. I know that I am willing, always willing to repair for someone I love, but this was never about my capacity. It was understanding he literally doesn't have any capacity emotionally, and understanding that love DOES NOT require self-sacrifice.
Grieving and healing is never linear, so I will keep updating as I move along, wishing everyone the best of luck navigating and processing.
Last updated on:2026-08-28T08:00:08+05:30
Comments (9)
protecting the version of yourself you’ve built is the one thing that kept me from texting my ex on the hard nights. that boundary became non-negotiable for me too.
how does it feel when those thoughts of repair still show up, even though you know you don’t want him back?
It hurts, still hurts. I know im capable but I know he isn't, but the reality is so much better to deal with and understand than to sit with it with despair. I wouldn't want him to come back if there isnt any accountability, and sense of repair or communication, which I already know he doesn't have the capacity for. The idea of meeting someone new feels just right now, Im taking things slow of course but im definitely not wanting to go back to someone who hurt me.
120 days is huge. the exact moment i stopped counting the days after my own avoidant discard and realized i actually preferred the quiet. that shift from waiting to freedom still feels wild when i think about it.
It really does feel like magic. From bread crumbling, to setting boundaries, and it just feels so right now.
I am happy for you!
congrats, that's real progress!
98 days of no contact here. your story is uplifting. I hope I can get to the place your in soon. thank you for sharing
congratulations, i am so happy you learned to move on and be free, you deserve everything !