It’s hard. I’ve been trying to shake this off for nearly a year. This time, for good.
It is hard for me to convince myself that I don't need him to reach out. It is hard to accept that we won't speak anymore and that, eventually, I won't think about him anymore.
I wouldn't let myself move on. Just when I was almost over it, I would seek him out. I was afraid that the only connection we still had—the suffering—would disappear.
I didn't let it go, because he was my escape; I was running away from the problems in my life and taking refuge in him.
I loved him very much, and that was the problem. He didn't appreciate it; he just took advantage of it.
He did so many terrible things to me, but I can't hate him. I can't get him out of my heart. I wish him well. That’s not who I am; I can’t hate him.
33 days of no contact. I always unblock him after a month; he doesn't think I'm leaving for good.
But I have to. I have to do it because this situation is hurting me. It has caused me a great deal of pain, and I’ve suffered so much. I couldn't let go of him; I couldn't stop caring.
I loved him more than myself, and that’s where I went wrong. But he also made me much more self-aware; he made me realize just how deeply I can love someone, gave me more self-confidence, and helped me understand what I deserve.
Last updated on:2026-09-02T21:06:12+05:30
Comments (6)
the truth that you loved him more than yourself is the part that finally made me stay gone for real.
what’s different about this attempt that makes you feel like it has to stick this time?
so proud of you, stranger 🫂 keep going. right now it hurts, and I feel you. My friends have told me this a ton of times (they’ve also gone through heartbreak), it’ll all be worth it in the end. Trust your instincts. Believe in you. You were whole before him, you’ll be whole without him again.
day 33 is such a weird in-between place. i kept doing the same unblocking thing after a month because the silence felt like i was erasing the only version of us that still existed. the part about clinging to the suffering as the last connection... yeah that was me too.
I relate very much to this. It seems there's a sweet spot in how much we loved but also suffered from that love.
I start to wonder how it would be, if I'd just leave my comfort zone and tried instead love that feels easy and safe...
I can resonate with this soooo much. We had a very similar dynamic. We broke up in April, I dont really think about him much, maybe once a day. I know ill always love him and care about him and want the best for him. But I know deep in my heart he is not for me. He is not my person. But lately I've been dreaming about him a lot. It started with just fleeting appearances and now hes the main character. I stopped missing him, but now im missing him all over again.
It seems like you have learned a lot about yourself through this whole experience. I guess you dont have to let go or move on, you just have to move forward. You will let go when you are good and ready. Just dont judge yourself for not being where you want to be, you are doing so well