I broke up with my bf of 8 months in a messy way. we fought, I was angry after being provoked I was too emotional and crying and things got physical. a lot had been happening I felt he was distant, avoiding me and I felt neglected over his friend. it was too much and before hand I communicated how I felt but the night we fought I had gone at his place letting go of my anger since it was easyer I thought we could watch a movie and spend time together. when I arrived I wasn't exactly welcomed. he was with his male friend and he was sleeping in his room and instead of accommodating me he offered to accompany me back to his place. I felt disrespected because I had walked to his place despite having a fractured leg. With the frustration and misunderstanding we fought. we didn't talk for a week and everyone concluded it was over no coming back from that. I had been angry but I reflected on my actions and let go of my pride and was the first to reach out with an apology. he told me he had moved on within a week. it kinda hurt. I was starting to try process the emotions and then he one day reached out, took me to his new place and we talked, he asked what really happened for me to act that way, I told him and apologized, he told me that kinda traumatized him too and so did it to me. we still loved each other and we acknowledged we were both hurt and we would try slowly no rushing anything and we didn't exactly want people to know. we'd try work on it. I felt hope again. and I was trying too but he told me after a few days that he's thought about it and he can't be with me. I was hurt because I was given hope. the next day one of my closest relatives died and I was so broken because I was trying to process the loss of two people and being far from home I needed him. I was learning to deal with my own pain. he later on reached out, came to see me after three days. I was still vulnerable and he said it's hard for him to move on and I told him I don't want to do this again if you gonna leave again. again I got that small hope but I didn't want to be desperate. communication wasn't that strong. by the end of that week I heard that I was replaced and I was so hurt honestly. I cried I didn't know what to believe all this happening in same month it was too much for me to handle. I had his birthday gift ready. j just decided I'd send someone over with it. he came day before his birthday. he had been drinking and he said I missed you, I keep getting flashbacks of us, I remember everything the good and the bad, I can't lose you but I'm confused I want you but I don't know if I want you back. I just asked him is it true that you have a gf. then he said I'll be honest I got her two weeks back. but I'm here right now and not yhere doesn't this tell you something. it hurt me and I told him I can't be the other person because he wanted to keep me but he had already made his choice. on his birthday someone delivered the gift and he knew it was me and came to say thank you I just said it's cool. on Saturday his birthday party was being held. all our mutual friends were there, and his new gf too. it kinda really hurt me so much, I was hurt I know I couldn't be there because of the drama but I finally realised that I am out of his life. now yesterday I found out from someone that during your relationship he had cheated on you because sometimes you would upset him because of actions and disrespect. I made mistakes I wasn't perfect and I acknowledge that when I had my accident he stayed with me during the checkups, after the surgery and everything and I'll always be grateful. I still love him, he went and shouted and the person who told me I don't know if it's true but I didn't confront him, everything has happened in this month and last month. I am hurt and I don't know how to process many feelings.the fact that he moved on in less than a month, the new things I'm hearing, and the fact that I still love him but I know everything has changed so much. I pray that he finds peace he couldn't find with me. and I pray that I heal. I don't know if he really loves me but a lot of people said he never told you but you did something's that hurt him and he tried his best but he then gave up. noone could have stayed for that long. I don't know even being hurt I'm trying to understand his pain too but cheating isn't justifiable. and I never found out. everything is hard.
Last updated on:2026-05-30T17:30:12+05:30
Comments (2)
i’ve been in that place where i kept trying to understand their pain while carrying my own, and it left me blaming myself for EVERYTHING. losing the relationship, grieving a relative, then watching them move on that fast is a brutal amount of hurt for one person to carry.
I’m going to be honest with you, I read everything, and in some ways I really relate to what you’re going through. Right now, what you need most is to break this toxic cycle with him, even if everything feels blurry and confusing and your mind keeps holding onto the good memories. A relationship shouldn’t leave you constantly anxious, hurt, uncertain, or waiting for someone to choose you over and over again.
From everything you described, this situation has become emotionally exhausting for you. He keeps coming back every time he feels lonely, confused, nostalgic, or emotional, and every time he does, it gives you hope again and reopens the wound. That doesn’t mean he’s evil or that the love wasn’t real, but love alone is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. You can love someone deeply and still recognize that being together is hurting both of you.
And please remember this: someone choosing another person while still keeping you emotionally attached is unfair to you. You deserve stability, honesty, peace, and someone who is certain about you, not someone who only comes back when they’re confused or afraid to let go.
I know how hard this is because I went through something very similar. I know the desperation, the overthinking, the feeling that your chest physically hurts and that your whole world is collapsing. But I promise you, this will not destroy you forever, even if right now it feels like the end of the world. Healing is slow and ugly sometimes, but one day you’ll wake up and realize you don’t carry this pain as heavily anymore.
Right now, you need to start choosing yourself. You need to say: “This is not the kind of love I want for my life.” And I know that’s easier said than done, especially when you still love him, but loving someone should never require abandoning yourself.
Please try to stop waiting for him to come back, because every time you leave the door open, he will probably return again — even if he has a girlfriend, even if months pass, even if circumstances change. But every return delays your healing. Sometimes closure is accepting that the cycle itself is the answer.
Also, none of this justifies cheating. Even if mistakes were made on both sides, betrayal is still betrayal. Don’t carry all the blame on your shoulders trying to explain away his actions. Relationships are complicated, but you are not responsible for fixing someone who keeps hurting you.
I really recommend therapy if it’s accessible to you. It helped me a lot personally. Writing helped too — journaling everything I felt instead of keeping it trapped in my head. Reading, going on walks, talking to trusted people, reconnecting with yourself little by little… those things matter more than you realize right now.
And please be gentle with yourself. You’re grieving so many things at once: the relationship, the version of him you believed in, the future you imagined, and even the version of yourself that existed before all this pain. That’s a lot for one heart to carry.
You don’t need to stop loving him overnight. You just need to love yourself enough to walk away from what keeps breaking you.