i've always wanted a family. maybe because i've felt lonely for most of my life and thought having a family of my own would finally fill that space. honestly i'm not even sure anymore.
when i was 17 i met a girl i loved deeply. she always told me she loved me too. we were young and said all the typical things arguing over who loved the other more. i believed we had a future together.
more than three years later she left me for someone else. she never told me about him until i figured it out myself. when i tried to understand what happened she told me there was still a chance for us. in the end i was the one who had to say goodbye. i told her to come get her things. she never did.
a few weeks later i met someone new.
to me she was everything. intelligent educated cultured beautiful and someone i genuinely admired. we built a life together and lived together for two years.
but deep down i always felt that i loved her more than she loved me.
months ago i tried ending the relationship because of that feeling. she begged me to stay. she told me she loved me which was something she rarely said. so i stayed and every time i felt unwanted or emotionally distant from her i held on to that moment and convinced myself things would get better.
they didn't.
her affection slowly faded and now it's obvious to both of us.
then her ex reached out after five years. they talked about things left unresolved and somehow it made her start questioning our relationship all over again. questioning whether they could have still worked out.
what hurts most is everything i gave up to build this life. i left my home country my job my family and started over because i believed in us.
there were things she was afraid to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. but knowing something was wrong without having the full truth was its own kind of torture. sometimes uncertainty hurts more than honesty
now i'm facing the possibility of losing not just her but the home we built the future i imagined and the life i created around this relationship.
it feels like i'm being asked to let go of everything at once.
and as an autistic person that kind of change feels even harder to carry.
Last updated on:2026-06-05T22:42:11+05:30
Comments (4)
i left a whole life behind for someone once too, and when it started falling apart it felt like i wasn't just losing a relationship, i was losing my home, my plans, and the version of the future i believed in.
what hurts more right now, the thought of losing her or the thought of losing the life you created by moving away from everything familiar?
The part that stood out to me wasn't actually the breakup. It was when you said that saying goodbye to her means saying goodbye to the home you built, the job you left, the distance from your family, and the future you imagined. That's a much bigger loss than just losing a relationship. When my own relationship ended, I realized I wasn't grieving one thing. I was grieving ten things at once. The person, the routines, the plans, the identity I had inside that relationship, and the future I'd quietly built in my head. When all of that collapses together, it's hard to even know what hurts most.
i’m really sorry you’re going through this. it sounds like you’re grieving much more than the relationship itself , you’re grieving the future you imagined, the home you built and the sacrifices you made for her. what you’re feeling makes sense . but one thing to keep in my mind is that the strength that let you move countries , build a life and love someone so much came from you, not anyone else. those qualities are still yours even if everything feels broken right now. you don’t have to figure out your whole future today, just focus on getting through the next few days