I was in a two-year relationship that left me in survival mode. he actually broke up with me, and a few weeks later I downloaded a dating app. I wasn’t looking for a new relationship, but I was desperate for a distraction from the constant chaos lack of peace I was feeling. even though that happened 9 months ago, he used that one mistake to make me the vilian and avoid taking responsibility for his own toxic behavior, and I realize now that even if ever happened, the relationship was already failing because of how he treated me. I’m struggling with a lot of self-blame and guilt. so I’m looking for any advice on how to stop letting his version of the story define my worth and how to finally move on.
Last updated on:2026-06-18T10:14:12+05:30
Comments (6)
after a toxic relationship i spent months obsessing over the one thing i did wrong while completely minimizing all the ways i was hurt. it's wild how guilt can stick around longer than the actual relationship.
I felt the same with my ex. honestly she made me feel worthless like I had no other choice then left me for another guy. then after she told me about it..I told her I was trying to move on. she then said "but you said youd love me forever".. this made me feel like I wasn't allowed to move on.
you are strong, you are independent and you got this <3!
You downloaded a dating app when you were not together. I imagine that you had not agreed not to date in that time? He uses it against you to make you feel guilty of something you never consented to. Please don’t blame yourself for choosing your needs. If he expected something else that’s an expectation talk. My advice is to keep telling yourself this because he is the one guilty of literally making you feel you did something you shouldn’t have done.
thank you for this. you’re so right about him weaponizing a rule that didn’t exist. I’m done feeling guilty for choosing myself.
hi i relate to this a lot. After my relationship ended, I also spent a long time feeling guilty and questioning myself. What helped me was realizing that one mistake doesn't define your character, just like one mistake doesn't erase everything that happened in the relationship. His version of the story is not the truth, it's just his perspective. Be gentle with yourself. Healing becomes easier when you stop seeing yourself through the eyes of someone who hurt you.
I really needed this. “healing is easier when you stop seeing yourself through their eyes.” is my new mantra. thank you.