My ex dumped me in stages. I never cared much for all of the overused psycho-babble terms but I do feel like avoidant discard sums it up pretty well.
The silence is so loud. I check my phone every time it makes ANY noise at all. The first week or two I sent him some photos of him and us and I asked him not to leave but he only read the first few and I think he blocked me after because he never read the rest.
Sometimes I think I’m doing better but the truth is I tell myself he’s coming back and I’m just waiting for a while and that’s what’s getting me through the days.
I’m not even taking it day by day at this point. I’m moving minute-to-minute most of the time. I’ve been filling up all the spare time I have with busy-work but sometimes it’s like my body is moving but my mind is somewhere else.
I was so committed to this. In my mind, we were end-game. In my mind, this was it. I wasn’t prepared for the possibility that I would end up alone.
I’ve been through breakups before. I’ve been through breakups that should have been harder than this- I’ve lived with a partner in the past even.
This one is worse than all of them.
Sincerely
AllAlone
Last updated on:2026-07-22T10:16:57+05:30
Comments (6)
admitting to myself that i was waiting, because i spent weeks pretending i wasn't. once i saw that, i stopped feeding it little by little, and my mind finally got a few quiet moments.
this hurt to read. i went through an avoidant discard too, and the silence had me jumping every time my phone lit up. i really believed he'd come back, that hope kept me alive for a while, until it started keeping me stuck too.
he already pulling away before the breakup, or did it feel like he disappeared almost overnight?
We had good and bad times where he’d swing between being present vs being absent but this particular time I thought we were in a solid place and able to work through any issues that might come up. It was a major shock to my system.
I'm so sorry you are going through this 😔 I remember this phase it is debilitating even if its just second by second I know it seems like a long way from now but you will get through this turmoil. cry,scream, rant, do what you need to do to let these emotions out identify what is bothering you about the whole thing you will unfortunately have to be the one to give yourself closure it'll be hard but it is possible I promise.
I think an avoidant discard is so hard to process because its not like something bad happened. No huge arguments, no cheating, no hostility. They are loving and caring and then they are not there. it makes no sense in your mind, its hard to pin point a reason, there is always hope they will come back. its really really difficult.