Thandos Diary
29 June 2026
The past month haven't been an ideal month at all..... Ow first and foremost am 34 weeks pregnant as of yesterday.
I am exited and scared at the sametime because this pregnancy is my 3rd one but it's the first one of me caring full term. Because of X2 Pre eclampsia, X2 C-section and X2 preterm labour.
I've been very much ok, happy even for the past duration of this pregnancy until a month ago when the father of this child suddenly didn't care about anything that has to do with me
He started disappearing every weekend when am not by his side he disappears for 24 hours or more and when he comes back. He never explains what happend and he never sees anything wrong with his disappearing acts, he wants everything to go back to normal as if everything is ok.
How do you go the whole day without checking in on your 8months pregnant girlfriend beats me.... But ke Sana yena he does it sogqiba aphole enhloko mtase.
I started noticing the change of behaviour on the 10th of June when he went home to his homestead emakhaya...I had a clinic appointment that day I kept on updating him on what was going on at the clinic as usual heeeeee Sana he responded only 3 times if am not mistaken that day...
The following day he disappeared all together..... Couldn't get him on phone calls, WhatsApp nor Facebook his phone was basically off. For 24 hours than came back after 24 hours nakhona akachazi lutho kwaze kwaymina engimbuzayo kuthi what happened than he said when ever am home I get so busy that I don't have time for a phone.😩 He tells me he didn't have 1 minute to call or text telling me that it was hectic at home I won't be reachable?.... I said ok, I mean what else would I've said except that, and then he disappeared again engatholakali efonin until it was Monday time for him to come back. He called Monday told me he was back and I said ok and told him how he made me feel lonely this past weekend. Did he even care about that? NO instead he disappeared again on Monday and came back the following day on the 16th of June late nakhona he called and asked to speak to my granny wakhuluma naye wangicela I went there.
The whole time I was there Mase kuyizikhathi za late maybe by 7:30 pm he goes out and smokes out side which was something new ayengakaze ayenze the whole week I was there same routine by that time he went out to smoke. On the 21st of June he never went for that smoke heeeeee lakhala ucingo Sana around abo 8 to half past 8.
It's a name saved Yolanda 🫠♥️, yes you got that right with those emojis. Well it wasn't my first time seeing that name I once went through his phone and found out they were in a relationship. I never asked ngazithulele because I thought for a second he'll realise what he was doing was wrong and leave her.........heeeee I was wrong Sana 4 months down the line nanku Lo Yolanda calling him not once maybe 5 or 6 times he kept on ignoring when I told him to answer the phone he said he was not in the mood for her.
When I asked who she was he lied to my face and told me it was her baby momma, mind you I already knew who she was I just wanted to hear the truth from him and he chose to lie and when I called him out on his lie he said I should believe what I want to believe when I asked for him to show me their conversation to prove me wrong he refused.
I decided to keep quite and slept woke up early in the morning and went home. 3 things were obvious like a day light to me
1. He was cheating with Yolanda
2. He didn't care how I felt
3. He was inlove with her
i came back home on the 22nd we brushed the Yolanda situation off we were fine the whole week until he disappeared again on Thursday on the 25th came back more than 24hours later no explanation what's so ever nam ke ngazithulela I didn't ask.
After I went quite he went mute also from the 26 to the 27 uthulile ngize ngamufonela ngomhlaka 28 and text him...... I told him everything told him how I felt. I basically opened everything that was in my heart for him told him how I knew that he lied about the Yolanda situation..... Guess what was his response..... Ey kuningi engibhekene nakho can we talk about this later.😂 Heeeee ngyamhleka phela ngoba kyahlekwa noma kufiwe he basically meant what I was feeling was not important, was not a priority, he has other important things to deal with not this one uzobuye ayibone le yam Nama feelings abolile. I answered the only way I know how.... Ok.
That's when I decided I was too attached to him and he knew it. He knew I loved him with everything in me. I had been the one doing all the chasing in this relationship for the past month mangithule mina naye uThule.... I decided right there and than that i wanted to detach from him..... Not because I don't love him anymore or I love him anyless no but for my own peace and sanity. So I stopped using socials so that I won't see when his online or not..... I believe I need this time to myself ukuthi ngizithole because right now angizazi nokuthi ngiwubani this was yesterday on the 28th
So after more than 24 hours of me going completely mute he calls and I answer.... First question wakhuluma engathi uyagula nje yin..... Ngyagula vele kuthi angphalaze ow ok ay uKhulu(his granny) ubethi angiku check ukuthi uyaphila yin
Not him but his granny was checking up..... Ay I told him the truth I wasn't feeling well vele and now he just called again acting as if everything is back to normal telling me about his day tomorrow..... Honestly am tired of him not taking accountability for anything and that's why I decided to just go offline for a week or two..... I want to teach myself to be able to leave without him again because honestly I feel my heart is not safe with him anymore
Let's leave it here today
30 June 2026
Dear diary
Today was abit better I woke up and cleaned.... I feel the anxiety of my feelings calming down. He called today updated me about his test..... Talked to him as normal but still he's not saying anything about how I feel about the Yolanda situation...... Meaning it's still not a priority to him..... Ay asazi kokwenzakalan but today I feel about better than yesterday
11 July 2026
He disappeared again😥.... I called him yesterday I wanted some help with a plug.... I asked if he was at home he said no..... Asked kuthi uzobuya Nin he said on Sunday..... I asked again ulaphi kanty his his response ngseMpolweni. I than said ok dropped the call...... I was so hurt that he didn't tell me he was leaving for his homestead. Usendixelela ngoku sendimufownela..... I went on WhatsApp and told him how hurt I was because of that and guess what? He lied wathi yena akashongo kuthi useMpolweni uthe uyakhona and into evele manje.
He choose ukungenza islima once again instead of apologizing that babe I was wrong ngokungasho ngilibele am sorry again not taking any accountability...... Guess what. His last seen on WhatsApp was yesterday at 6:30 pm until now I've never heard anything from him it's 21 hours later.
Slowly but surely am getting used to the loneliness kancane kancane uyangifundisa ukuphela ngaphandle kwakhe. Kancane kancane his walking away from me kancane kancane his not emotionally available anymore and you know what? It's hurts ay kancane I cry myself to sleep everyday...... All I pray for now is to stop loving him this much so that ngizomukhulula because I can see his heart is no longer with me.
I keep on checking his last seen and if he's read the last text that I sent him but nothing. Am so hurt and worried at the sametime...... I've decided to just hide activity on WhatsApp so that I won't be able to see his too..... Maybe just maybe I'll find peace and not think about him everytime..... Because one thing I know for sure wherever he is.... He is perfectly fine and having the time of his life...... Kancane kancane kyavelela he doesn't care no more about me.
27 hours later I tried to call him, went straight to voicemail.😭 Another night of wet pillows Neh 😥. God please please please detach me from Him he's not into me anymore please heal my heart, as much as I'll always love him with everything in me but good please God help me learn not to rely on him when it comes to my happiness, peace and sanity......... I pray for healing.
12 July 2026
Dear diary
So I called him today and he said he was busy working at home for 33 hours yena his busy working.....not even one minute to charge and check up on me not even 1 minute to charge and text am fine Thando ungakhathazeki...... Mangibuza lokho he told me kuthi manje uyosebenza anake I phone........ Mina ngyakwazi yin ukusebenza nginake I phone manje sesizoqulela lokho....... Heeee ay Bandla meaning akulalwa Neh kusetshenzwa 24/7.......
I know I've said this alot am saying it once again please God help me to detach from him..... Help me protect my peace and sanity help me keep quiet....... I love him with everything in me..... With every fibre in my bones I love this man but my love for him is hurting Lord. Help me detach from him.
16 July 2026
For the past almost 2 months I've been feeling very very lonely. I don't even know what to do about it. But there's this void I have of loneliness 😥
17 July 2026
Guess what I still feel lonely mf2..... How can one feel lonely while in a relationship😥 I yearn for his attention and his just not giving. I on the other hand have stopped chasing for it.
18 July 2026
Dear diary
Well today he lost me. Am done am done with it all it's time for me to protect my peace..... He disappeared yesterday namanje nothing.... I tried calling emini took me straight to voicemail..... I don't know how many times have I talked about this these past two months alone am tired now am really really tired am done as of today the 18th of July 2026 he can do whatever he feels like doing angisazingeni...... I tried nkosy yam I really did but I've lost myself in that Process..... I need myself back and the only way I can do that is through protecting my peace
19 July 2026
I blocked him. I blocked him everywhere. Not because I don't love him anymore but because I want peace for my baby and I...... I hope I just hope I find the peace that am looking for
It's the afternoon and he tried reaching out at 1:07pm exactly. I mean anything could have happened during that time...... Considering that I am 37 weeks pregnant..... This man doesn't care about me.... When he sees me he sees a toy to play with.
Last updated on:2026-07-26T11:38:36+05:30
Comments (2)
i was with someone who disappeared whenever it suited him, then came back expecting everything to be normal. i kept blaming myself until i realized i was the only one fighting for us. blocking him was the hardest thing i ever did, but it was also the first time i chose myself.
thing is for me it's a bit hard to block him since am pregnant and giving birth in one week time..... I really don't even know how to do this no contact thing because wether I like it or not we have to communicate