My brain keeps flipping between wanting him back so desperately. To knowing if he did come back, It could never be the same after going through this cycle so many times. By taking him back. I would just be setting myself to feel this way again.
Its also just the not knowing. we have been in this position so many times and he has turned around and wanted things to work, that I dont know if this is really it, and i need to move on, or if any moment he will return, and somehow I have to find the strength to say no to one more round..
Maybe they are the very same thing.
He told me last time that each time it happens he is learning his triggers and how to better manage it and that each time he feels closer to me than ever before. Can an avoidant heal within a relationship or do they have to do it on their own. The confusion is too much. The cycle has made it hard to let go Much harder than I like to admit, and I feel like a fool.
Last updated on:2026-07-26T01:14:11+05:30
Comments (8)
i stopped asking myself if my ex could change and started asking if i could survive another repeat of the same hurt. loving someone deeply doesn’t mean you have to keep volunteering for the same pain.
i’ve lived through that same push and pull, missing someone with my whole heart while also remembering how many times i ended up broken in the same place. that “maybe this time” feeling can keep you stuck for so long
when he came back in the past, what actually changed after the reunion? did the cycle get shorter or did you end up feeling that same fear all over again? i’ve struggled with that question too.
No the time between avoidant pull backs got longer.
You will have to decide soon in order to start your healing properly. If you have to reach out to get any info you need before making a decision, you should do it. I don't want to see you in this state of limbo for so long 😣
yeah.. I know... I am getting there
promise. 🫶
Firstly well-done for being on day 5 , from what you describe it sounds like a vicious cycle . I have been down a similar road to you, hoping things will get better , change , and they might do for a bit but then it just goes back to the same things . There is no real change , just broken promises , excuses , justifications , and just more hurt and disappointment. It sounds like your ex has to workout his issues alone for permanent and significant change , If a relationship feels as though you are constantly having to fix someone, eachother it can become draining and exhausting . Instead of being in the relationship it can feel like you are just existing . This shouldn't be the case . To continue the same cycle is likely to just keep hurting you both , it's really hard to break the cycle but sometimes it's necessary. It takes a brave person to do that and it sounds like you are taking the first steps to do so , Well-done because it can't be easy , just take it day by day .
Thanks you for your thoughtful response. I really appreciate it.