I ruined a year-long relationship with the absolute love of my life. After he moved away for school and I received a lifelong health diagnosis I developed extreme codependency and anxious attachment. Over our long-distance relationship I became suffocating jealous reactive and constantly needed reassurance. I drained him emotionally until he lost his passion for us stating that the bad outweighed the good and he ended things in late August. I don't blame him at all.
I'm currently a complete mess—I dropped out of school can barely work and cry daily out of guilt and self-hatred. However our breakup is confusing because our last words were "I love you" and right after ending things he sent me a post saying "Time and distance don't scare me if the final destination is you."
We've been no contact for six weeks. I'm starting therapy and CODA to address my issues but he is still the first and last thing on my mind. Is there any hope he will come back after I lost his respect or did I ruin this forever? How do I stop hating myself for being the toxic partner?
Last updated on:2026-10-13T20:48:11+05:30
Comments (3)
i felt this one because i became so scared of losing my ex that i started acting in ways that pushed him away. the guilt was BRUTAL, especially when i could see the hurt i'd caused but couldn't undo any of it
i spent so long hating myself for how i acted after my breakup, and honestly, therapy helped me separate the things i did wrong from who i am as a person. i'm glad you're starting therapy and CODA, please keep showing up for yourself even when you miss him like crazy.
when you think about him coming back, do you miss the relationship you two had, or are you hoping that if he comes back, you'll finally be able to forgive yourself for how things ended