I cheated on her. what should I do to win her back? I know uts hard to gain her trust again but I love her so much. I cheated because I prioritize my lust/desire more than the love for her. I didn't run against temptation. Now, I keep wondering how she is? I know she's in pain but I can't stop thinking about the pain I've cause to her. what should I do?
Last updated on:2026-10-23T10:52:55+05:30
Comments (8)
You are not a bad person, you've made a mistake. You need to forgive yourself but you also need to leave her alone. Let the decision to come back to you be hers to make. Unfortunately you've hurt and betrayed her. She may forgive you, but she won't forget. Maybe she'll even forget you and move on. That's a reality you may need to face.
Hopefully this mistake will lead to do the work you need to do in order to never make this mistake again. You need to figure out why you were willing to sacrifice love for short term lust
man, reading that you let your lust win over someone you claim to love hurts right in the gut. i've been the one who screwed up and broke trust, and carrying the weight of knowing you shattered someone you care about is a brutal cage to sit in.
do you have some advice? badly need it
I'm saying this with care, When someone keeps prioritizing lust and the rush over the relationship, it can be a sign there's something deeper going on that deserves support. If that's you, you're not broken. You might just need a safe place to work on it. A good therapist or a support group for compulsive sexual behavior can help you understand the pattern and build healthier choices. Wanting help is a strength. Protecting the love you want starts with getting support for the parts that feel out of control. I'm saying this with compassion and support because I go to counseling and have been to a few different types of support groups myself,. Anyone can say sorry and ask for another chance in a moment of panic. What rebuilds trust is accountability plus a plan. That looks like naming the specific harm, owning the pattern without excuses, and showing how you're changing it in real life. If lust keeps getting put ahead of the relationship, that can be a sign something deeper needs support. A good therapist or a support group for compulsive sexual behavior can help you understand the urges, build boundaries, and practice different choices. Books and education help too. Words can open a door. Consistent action is what walks through it. You need to have a plan and follow through. I just want you to know you aren't alone. Don't be to hard on yourself.
does I need to show her that I'm changing?
@WavyChill410 Come up with a plan that you think will help you. Maybe Say: "I haven't changed yet. I'm taking responsibility for the hurt I caused. Here's my plan to work on myself. I'm starting weekly therapy to understand and change the patterns that led me to prioritize short term impulses over our relationship. I'm joining a support group to get accountability. I'm putting concrete boundaries in place around my phone, porn, dating apps, and situations that trigger me. I'm learning healthier ways to cope with stress and conflict so I don't check out or lie. I know words aren't enough. I will share proof of these steps over time and I am not asking you to wait for me. I'm doing this because it is who I need to become, whether we get back together or not.
only say that if you mean it and plan on taking those steps even if they don't want to get back together with you.
Before reaching out, I would possibly consider finding a counselor or a support group in your area so she can see you are serious and taking the 1st step. If they don't have one in your area you can find one that meets online over zoom.
I think she deserves to be free. You may love her, but that type of disrespect and pain you caused is not something you can solve. She will forever be impacted by this, and deserves to be with someone who would consider her and not hurt her like this.
I can't ðŸ˜, I just love her so much. I'm selfish for being like this, but I just can't. She knows it too that I'm selfish for begging second chance and asking for forgiveness