How do you move on when you still love your ex?

I’m 27F, and my relationship of two years ended on 30 August. It wasn’t my choice, and I’m struggling so much more than I ever expected to.

I genuinely thought we’d be together forever. We shared so many beautiful memories, little routines and plans for our future. He knew me inside and out and made me feel loved, wanted and special. Despite everything that happened between us, I still love him so much, and accepting that the relationship is over has been incredibly difficult.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect, though, and at times it was toxic. I cheated at the beginning, which I deeply regret, and I struggled with jealousy and insecurity. He also cheated on me, including while we were living in Australia. There were times when he talked down to me, made hurtful comments about my character during arguments and told me I’d never find anyone better than him, particularly given my track record with previous relationships. I often ended up questioning myself and feeling small, and being away from my friends and family made everything even harder. I know I have things to work on and take responsibility for, but I also know I wasn’t always happy in the relationship.

I think one of the hardest things to come to terms with is that someone can have been both a source of comfort and a source of pain. I can recognise the problems we had and understand that things weren’t always healthy, yet still desperately wish we could have made it work.

We moved to Brisbane together for an adventure and spent nine months in Australia. I struggled with loneliness, my job and being so far away from my family, so I eventually returned to the UK in August. He stayed in Australia, and I’m now struggling with the feeling that I’ve lost not only the person I loved, but also the future I thought we were going to have. I imagined us building a life together out there, and now he gets to continue living in Australia while I’m back home trying to work out what my own life should look like.

Seeing signs that he might be moving on has made all of this even harder. I found out that he was on Hinge just a day after we broke up, which really hurt. It made me feel as though he was ready to look for someone new almost immediately, while I was still trying to process losing him. More recently, I saw that he’d been to Sydney, and my mind immediately started imagining him meeting other women, dating and potentially building a new relationship. I have no evidence of what happened on that trip, but I can’t seem to stop my mind from going there. I know I’m hurting myself by trying to find out what he’s doing, so I’ve deleted the app where I saw the message and blocked him on Instagram. I’m trying to stop checking and give myself a chance to heal, but it’s so much harder in practice than it sounds.

We also still have a few practical ties because we had a cat together in Australia, who is now living with him. The pet insurance is still in my name and linked to my bank account, so we’ve had to remain in occasional contact to arrange transferring the policy and making sure I’m no longer responsible for the payments. He also owes me money that he has said he’ll repay, although I don’t know when. I want to create distance and move forward, but these outstanding things mean we can’t completely cut contact just yet.

At the same time, I’ve been trying to work out whether I’m ready to date again. Part of me wants to meet people, have conversations and feel excited about someone new, so I’ve tried downloading Hinge and Tinder. But I find the apps overwhelming, and I’m not sure I’m emotionally ready. I still love and miss my ex so much that those feelings can override any interest I have in someone else.

I did recently go on a date with someone and genuinely had a lovely time. I felt hopeful, but he didn’t message me afterwards, and being ignored after enjoying the date really hurt. I know one person’s lack of interest doesn’t define my worth, but I feel so emotionally fragile at the moment that even a small rejection feels huge. It’s made me question whether I’m ready to put myself out there when I’m still struggling to accept the loss of my previous relationship. I don’t want to seek out attention just to feel wanted, but I also miss having that connection with someone.

All of this has left me feeling quite lost in my own life. It’s now eight weeks since the breakup, although I was already struggling emotionally when I left Australia in mid-August. I’ve been crying a lot, particularly in the mornings and evenings, and finding it difficult to feel motivated, concentrate or enjoy things properly. I’d started to feel a little better after spending time with friends and connecting more with colleagues, but these recent triggers have made me feel as though I’ve gone backwards.

I desperately want to feel like myself again. I want independence, a home I love, close friendships, spontaneous plans, travelling and new adventures. I want to feel excited about my own future rather than constantly imagining what his might look like. But at the moment, I feel stuck in a small life in the UK, questioning whether I’m happy with my job, where I live and the direction my life is taking. I can’t tell whether I genuinely want to return to Australia or whether part of me just struggles with the thought of him being there without me, potentially building a life with someone else.

I know I need to work on myself, take responsibility for my own behaviour and become healthier in future relationships. I want to rebuild my confidence, learn to be happy on my own and create a life that feels fulfilling, with or without a partner. I just don’t know how to get from where I am now to feeling that way, and I’m finding it difficult to believe that I’ll genuinely feel happy again.

I’d really appreciate honest advice and personal experiences from anyone who’s been through something similar:

* How do you let go of someone you still love when you know the relationship wasn’t always healthy?
* How do you cope with the thought of your ex falling in love with someone else and building the future you wanted with them?
* Has anyone felt this low eight weeks, or even months, after a breakup and eventually felt genuinely happy again?
* How do you stop obsessing over what your ex is doing and start focusing on your own life?
* How do you rebuild your confidence and sense of identity after a relationship that left you questioning yourself?
* How do you know when you’re ready to date again, especially when rejection feels so painful and you’re still emotionally attached to your ex?
* How do you work out whether you genuinely want to change your life or move somewhere, versus being influenced by what your ex is doing?

I’d really appreciate any advice, reassurance or personal experiences. I don’t expect to feel better overnight, but I desperately want to believe that I can get through this, rebuild my life and feel genuinely happy again. ❤️

Last updated on:2026-10-23T10:14:12+05:30