I relapsed
so my ex and I broke up a year ago because he constantly compared me to this other girl and I finally broke up with him after we flirted with her numerous times however I still forgave him and we continued to be friends because we are in the same class in uni. Sometimes we behaved like we were more than friends because I thought we still loved each other, at least I did. this semester we grew even closer and were going on dates and stuff until he followed her again on Instagram knowing full well how much anxiety I had with her. since then things took an ugly turn and he became extremely nasty and mean and said things that broke me to the point where I could not eat, sleep or even move. till this day he still sends me horrible emails. today he sent me an email after a few days saying he missed me and started sweet talking me again and I responded because a part of me missed him but I don't care know why because he was so horrible to me. he gaslight me, manipulated me and harassed me. today he started sweet talking me and then when things didn't go his way, he hurt me again. He made me feel small and pathetic again. I just want this pain to stop but I keep running back to him and I don't know why. he brought her up again and my heart shattered. I believed him when he said he was missing me and was hoping through out pictures but he was just playing me like he always does
Comments (3)
when you say you keep running back, is it because you still hope he’ll finally treat you right… or because it’s hard to let go of what you thought it was? be honest what do you actually miss about him?
both I guess
when it gets this toxic, the only thing that’s ever helped me is no contact. like full silence. block, delete, whatever it takes. because people like that use access as control, and they’ll keep twisting the knife if they can reach you. you can’t heal in a war zone.
he is blocked everywhere but he messages me on email. a part of me still checks multiple times a day to see if he contacted me. is there something wrong with me? I know he's a terrible person but I also want him to reach out to me
my ex used to dangle another girl in front of me too, like some twisted game. every time i thought we were finally good again, he’d find a way to make me feel small. it took me months to realize that what hurt most wasn’t losing him, it was losing the version of me that kept believing his “i miss you.” you’re not crazy for going back that cycle messes with your head bad
how did you finally let go? no contact isn't really doing much for me because even though I am not contacting him first, I cannot resist if he messages me.