I decided to end the cycle of breakups and getting back again with my ex partner. Day before yesterday was the hardest part of my life. I am seeking mental strength for now. Love means sometimes letting go of the person.
Had this not so perfect relationship of 6 years. He fucked up a lot of times.. I was just patient with him for him to change. He did! after our 3rd breakup. But it kept me thinking that was the wait worth my mental turmoil I faced those 4.5 years?
now , every inconvenience made me think about breaking up.
Without my partner’s knowledge I would download a dating app, swipe some people.. then realise that I won’t be getting someone out of a blue. It needs commitment and respect to make relationships beautiful.
I would delete the app once everything came back to normal. I started hating myself for doing that. I could not look myself in the mirror . I was not like this !
I have a lot of healing to do.
I hope god gives me strength
I hope the thing I chose to break was right.
Last updated on:2026-04-08T21:56:36+05:30
Comments (8)
you feel like you ended it more because of what it turned you into over time, or because of what he did?
I feel it’s because of what it turned me into.
this hurt to read… but ending the cycle is BIG, even if it feels awful right now.
i’ve been stuck in that on off cycle too and when i finally ended it for real, it felt like i ripped something out of myself. i kept questioning if all that waiting and hoping was worth it, same as you. that kind of love can really wear you down.
how are you doing now?
I think you are wise to trust yourself on this. you need a relationship built on mutual trust. it sounds like you are self aware about the places you have to grow in this about being honest when you're not able to fully be in the relationship. I really relat to this. When someone hurts me it's really hard for me to rebuild trust I get really vigilant and knit pick. I know what I need to do is learn to trust myself more and trust that I will set the boundaries I need to. but it's hard to build that self trust when I have self abandoned so many times
I fear sometimes that the decision I took , was wrong..and that I would never find someone like him ( like the person he is now ). but again.. he has patterns.
it’s just some mental turmoil
@HappyGo239 In my experience it always feels like that at first. And who knows maybe down the road you will both grow into who you need to be to be present in the relationship. or maybe you will find that elsewhere