i got out of my first relationship last year and it ended really messy. i loved him but we had completely different values and by the end he did something i couldn’t forgive. i broke up with him and i haven’t felt like myself since
since then i haven’t been able to feel real interest in anyone i talk to. i’ve been on maybe 15 first dates but nothing sticks i can’t find anyone attractive. he moved on and got a new girlfriend about a month after we broke up
i want someone who respects me respects my culture someone who actually checks in on me and doesn’t push boundaries during intimacy without asking. but my mind keeps going back to him especially the early days when things felt good before it turned bad
i try to remind myself how it really was toward the end the disrespect the insults the moments that hurt me. but i still catch myself drifting back to the good parts and feeling stuck there
now it feels like my brain has made romance either him or nothing and i’m exhausted of nothing. i’ve been celibate since the breakup over a year ago
i want advice because i really can’t get him out of my head. i’ve moved cities graduated started my job been in therapy stopped checking his socials done all the “right” things
but he still shows up in my thoughts constantly. every fantasy every little future i imagine every random trigger just brings me back to him and i don’t understand why
Last updated on:2026-04-21T21:33:03+05:30
Comments (5)
you think you’re actually drawn to who he was at the end, or just the version of him from the start that felt safe and exciting
my first relationship messed me up the same way. i knew he hurt me but my brain kept replaying the “good version” of him like it was real, i got stuck there for so long
violence in bed? what? really?
Yeah it’s just gonna take time and you’ll basically erase him after you meet someone new that you like. Don’t hurt your chances with someone new by comparing them to him. Just cause they don’t do the same things as your ex doesn’t mean they don’t have other cool qualities you might like
yeah it's hard , and it's not your fault , don't be so hard on yourself, that's how attachments works. Well a little science lesson, everything that is happening is all chemistry in your brain and i know you don't want to listen it , cause you're in pain, but listen it would make sense. Any kind of emotions you feel is all chemicals firing at times you trained them to. The best way is to starve the triggers. Why you're still going back to the person is just your brain doing the same loop again and again, sometimes when you know how you work practically kind of takes the power away .