i’ve been married for three years and my wife knew from the start that i’m also attracted to men. we love each other and things are good between us.
i’m part of an online christian group for men navigating faith and sexuality and that’s where i met this guy let’s call him nick. we got close pretty quickly messaging during group calls and talking a lot.
last year we met in person for the first time at a conference. he’s kind attractive and easy to be around. we ended up skipping parts of the event just to spend time together. one night during a worship set i broke down and he held me the whole time. i’ve never felt comforted like that before.
after that we stayed close. weekly calls messages sending each other things planning when we’d meet again. i started to see him as someone i wanted in my life long term like a forever kind of friendship.
the next summe i brought my wife to another conference where he was. they got along really well and it made me happy seeing them connect. i even started imagining him being part of our lives in a bigger way like family.
i never wanted anything romantic or to cross boundaries but what we had felt deeper than a normal friendship. i didn’t really have a word for it just something meaningful and close.
over time we talked less because of life but whenever we did it felt the same. i eventually asked him if he’d want that kind of committed friendship with me. he was open to it but unsure because he’s been questioning his faith and what he wants long term.
my wife knows about all of this and has been understanding which i’m really grateful for.
recently he told me he’s leaving his faith and asked if i’d still want to be in his life. i said yes but also told him that if he starts dating someone it might be hard for me to stay close like before.
then he told me he met someone else at a pilot event and is flying out to see him. i tried to be supportive but it hurt more than i expected. especially knowing he never made that effort to come see me.
since then i’ve been feeling this heavy sadness. i don’t want a relationship with him but i realize i care about him more deeply than i thought. i keep thinking about him wanting closeness and it feels like i’m going through some kind of heartbreak.
now he’s supposed to call me and tell me about his trip and i don’t even know how to handle it. part of me wants to be there for him and part of me feels like i need to let go. i didn’t expect loving someone in this way to hurt this much.
Last updated on:2026-04-22T19:49:03+05:30
Comments (3)
you think hearing about his trip is going to hurt you more right now, or do you feel like you actually want to be there for that conversation?
i had a “just a friend” like that once and it slowly became EVERYTHING without me even realizing. when they chose someone else it hit like a breakup i didn’t even have the right to grieve
I'm so sorry, friend. I know how difficult it is to deal with SSA while in the Christian community. Let yourself feel your emotions, they aren't wrong or disgusting. You loved and you lost, a very human experience that's absolutely gut wrenching. Look back on your relationship with him with fondness, but I believe its time to let him go. Staying friends will only bring you more pain.