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"Hey guys, long time — I've been acting strong for a long time, I've written many messages on this platform encouraging you all, but reality is sometimes harder. I reached out to him again multiple times, I relapsed several times. I understood that he will never change, that there was no point fighting for someone who doesn't want me. I decided to stop living in the nostalgia of what we were, or the hope of what we could have been in another life. I just tell myself that life has defeated me with mektoub (fate), and that I will defeat it with patience.
I can say that crying... crying has been my remedy. I felt that my tears this time were different from before — more intense, heavier, louder. I fell to the floor, I didn't think I would get back up. I cried many times over. Today I blocked his numbers, I deleted the conversations I used to read. I hugged my phone and cried every last tear after deleting them — it was a painful moment. I said goodbye to him while screaming alone in the middle of my studio, listening to a sad song. I told him I would keep him in my heart, that I loved him. I screamed... screamed... and cried as if to empty my heart.
Now it's over, it's done. I will no longer be the one who walks with her heart on her sleeve. I think he truly disgusted me this time... and I am choosing MYSELF over the pain.
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"I went back many times — a billion times. Up until today, I never closed the door on this man. I was always there despite the worst things he could do to me. I was always that "meskine" (poor, pitiful) girl.
I wanted to tell you — and remind myself at the same time — that it is never too late to change yourself, to no longer be this girl. To close a chapter that is hurting you. To choose yourself. To let a new story be written for you. **Because sometimes you need to close the window that hurts you, no matter how beautiful the view (memories) is.** Despite the pain, I know that time will eventually heal me.
I arm myself with patience, and I know that God will eventually bring the right person into my life. I know it, and I am deeply convinced of it within myself. I keep my faith in God. I know He has given me trials... and that the light will always end up appearing at the end of the tunnel."
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"I wish you healing — to heal yourself, to take care of yourself, to seek the answers from within. Because for my part, if I accepted abusive behaviors, I know it comes from an inner void, from deeper traumas, from childhood.. I choose to heal them, to heal what brought me to this point, to break my silence instead of breaking my reflection in the mirror.
So dear ones, I pray for you. I end by saying this: **break your silence, but do not break your reflection in the mirror.** Let a new story be written for you."
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"I choose to fight for myself, to heal myself, instead of fighting for something that was never mine. Because something that is not yours will ONLY exhaust you. Fight for yourself — because you are the only one who will be there for yourself until the very end of the road, and no one else."
Last updated on:2026-04-25T04:51:35+05:30
Comments (9)
do you feel like this time something really shifted inside you, like you won’t go back again even if he reaches out?
he reached out today , and i've gone back to him , then i regretted it so sooo much
honestly you choosing yourself and your peace was the right thing. sometimes we get lost in what we were and the past we had together that we forget the reality and the present. im telling you this from my own experince because im going through some stuff too. i’m proud of you!!
It’s not worth fighting—sometimes you have to let go and let the water flow. Time has its own kind of magic; you have to let it do its work and not relapse. I also think that by trying so hard for this person, we’re wasting our time and missing out on many others relashionships.
the way you chose yourself here… that’s the hardest part and you DID it.👍
i felt this so deeply, i was that girl too who kept going back over and over even after everything, thinking maybe this time it’ll be different. the day i finally blocked him i cried on the floor like that too, like something inside me was literally breaking 💔
Yes, and it’s okay to cry. It’s a way to cleanse your heart and let the tension flow out. Cry as many times as you need—you’ll get back up, don’t worry
🫂🫂❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It takes immense courage to be that vulnerable, especially when you’ve been the "strong one" for so long.
I am so incredibly proud of you for choosing yourself. Please, do not be hard on yourself for the times you went back or the times you "relapsed." It took me many attempts to finally leave my ex because he would always find a way to circumvent my blocks and contact me. I even spent money on plane tickets home that I never ended up using.
You are not alone in that struggle. In fact, statistics from domestic violence advocacy groups often show that it takes an average of seven attempts for a survivor to leave an abusive relationship for good. Leaving is a process, not a single event, and the fact that you have closed that window now is what matters.
The problem was never you; it was him. People often victim-shame by asking, "Why didn't you just leave?" when they should be asking, "Why is he abusive?" It is so difficult to maintain those boundaries when you start to focus on the "nostalgia" or the good times. Something that helped me was writing out a list of my top 10 values and my top 10 deal-breakers. When I looked at that list, I realized my ex broke every single one of them. He didn’t respect my time, my needs, or my boundaries—it was always about him.
I want to encourage you to look into some of the resources available to help you heal the "inner void" you mentioned:
Trauma Counseling & EMDR: These were instrumental for me in processing the deeper traumas that kept me stuck.
Safe People Courses: Many community groups and churches offer programs specifically designed to help you identify healthy versus unsafe individuals.
Breakup Coaches & Literature: This app has break up coaches. I would also look up books and audiobooks to help you process your trauma, break up, and abuse.
Your thoughts, feelings, and needs are completely valid. You are worthy of a love that is safe and respectful, just as you are. I am so glad you have your faith to anchor you through this storm. You are stronger than you feel right now, and I know you will get through this.
I believe in you. I will pray with you, and I will pray for you tonight.