i broke up with my ex about a year ago after being together for 2 years. our relationship was extremely intense. when things were good they were honestly the happiest i’ve ever been. i felt deeply understood by him in a way i’ve never experienced with anyone else. but every few weeks he would go through these moods where he’d lash out and say cruel things just to hurt me. the lows became unbearable and over time i grew resentful and emotionally exhausted.
eventually i left and the breakup itself was awful. i handled it terribly and i still carry a lot of shame for how i walked away. after we separated he actually became calmer kinder more mature whenever we spoke but by then everything felt too broken and i ran from it because the guilt was eating me alive. i regret that too.
not long after i started dating someone else even though i definitely wasn’t healed. honestly it was a rebound at first but he’s genuinely a wonderful man. safe loving patient consistent. i do love him and he means a lot to me but there are still parts of me that feel unseen sometimes. meanwhile i think about my ex every single day. it’s this awful mix of longing guilt shame grief all tangled together.
i’ve been in therapy for over a year trying to move forward but i still obsess over it constantly. part of me feels like my current boyfriend deserves someone who isn’t still haunted by another relationship. and now with law school coming up in new york in a few months i keep feeling this urge to reach out to my ex confess everything i regret and maybe try one last time before life fully moves on. the idea of never seeing him again or slowly forgetting each other genuinely hurts me physically.
i don’t know if reaching out would bring me peace or destroy the progress i’ve made. i just know i’m exhausted from carrying all this confusion around every day and i’m terrified of regretting whatever choice i make forever.
Last updated on:2026-05-11T06:48:54+05:30
Comments (5)
i had a relationship where the highs felt almost unreal and it messed me up for a long time because i kept chasing the version of her that only showed up sometimes. when she finally became kinder after the breakup, it made leaving hurt even more. 💔
i think guilt can make us romanticize unfinished love. i reached back out once because i thought i needed closure, but deep down i wanted relief from the regret more than i actually wanted the relationship back.
you miss HIM, or do you miss the feeling of being deeply seen and emotionally consumed by someone?
this is so true and hard to figure out.
I am dealing with my break up now, and people kept saying I am only missing the best version of her, not her entire personality. I am only missing being emotionally cared, but not the entire her.
I believe those words are true, just hard to admit
keep your head up, keep moving forward, and know you're not alone friend ❤️