I keep trying, but it is so difficult. I keep breaking no contact every couple of days.
The problem is, he answers and still says nice things. so whenever I feel bad, it's like a drug. He is an avoidant and makes it seem that I am the one in control. he says things like, 'you know I'm going to keep hurting you if we do this again' and he is right, but I would rather his love and be hurt every now and again than not have it at all. just writing it out I know it looks and sounds pathetic. The issue isn't that he doesn't love me. it's that when he gets overwhelmed he pushes people away.
I need to do 30 days, but I just don't know how.
Last updated on:2026-06-25T11:18:10+05:30
Comments (15)
i don't think you sound pathetic at all. honestly, you know that the nice texts were the problem. i wasn't withdrawing from a person, i was withdrawing from the hope that maybe THIS conversation would be different.
You are right. I really just have to do this 30 days and stop this back and forth. He really hurt me and I have no true reason actually to be reaching out to him.
I am going through the same thing and frustrates me because I know deep down he wants this but he says everything he doesnt and this is the only way he knows how... I always have taken him back but this time with how he has messed my nervous system so much dont think I can do it anymore.. only you know what is right and maybe you need to hit that point as much as it hurts 💔
This is the 4th time I have gone through this in 14 months. You would think I would be at that point. 🤷♀️
As hard as it is to hear, I think sometimes avoidant exes do this because they want to feel guilt free. They are warm and polite bc it makes them feel like they handled things with grace and are the “good guy” even when they know deep down they were hurting us and have no intentions of getting back together.
you probably make a good point. I hadn't thought of it like that. Thankyou for commenting 🫶
i kept breaking no contact because my ex would always answer too, and every reply felt like relief for a few hours. then i'd crash again and end up right back where i started.
yes I think it makes it harder. I hope you are doing OK. I just read your story and that's rough. I notice you have a paid subscription. do you find it good?
This is exactly what I do. This is exactly how I would describe my situation as well. I can understand and feel you. Lets try to reach 30 days together. You can message after 30 days think of it like this. that way you have something to look forward to. Just 30 days. You are stronger than you think and we both can do it!
Thankyou. it feels good to have understanding and support. let's do it!
I failed again already. I keep hoping things have changed.
this is all chemical tbh you should check out NC for the 80% who fail on kindle unlimited
if he called you tonight and said the exact same things he's been saying for weeks, would anything actually change between you two, or would you still be having this same conversation with yourself a month from now?
Same conversation.
you have done very well to do 39 days.