I’m wondering if I should send my ex one last message, not because I expect a response or want to change his mind, but because I want to say goodbye in a kinder way and finally let go.
We were together for almost two years, but things became complicated over time. He gradually pulled away, saying he was struggling with his mental health and self-esteem, while still sometimes showing closeness and affection, which made it hard for me to understand where I stood.
Eventually, he told me he didn’t have the capacity for a relationship. Because we work together, we’ve still been in contact, and the emotional attachment hasn’t fully faded, especially given the mixed signals and continued proximity.
Yesterday, I reached out during a very low moment. After some attempts, he responded that he didn’t want to talk and thought it was best if we were nothing to each other. This hurt, especially given recent moments of closeness. I sent a few emotional messages afterward, but he hasn’t read or responded.
Now I’m debating whether to send one final goodbye message. I don’t want to explain everything again or ask for a response. I just want closure and for the ending to feel more intentional and less abrupt.
Part of me thinks a final message could help me close this chapter, especially since we still work together. But I also worry it might keep me emotionally tied to him and reopen the need for a response that may never come.
Would you send one final goodbye message in this situation, or would you leave things as they are and let his last words be the ending?
Last updated on:2026-08-20T01:40:12+05:30
Comments (16)
i’d leave it there, honestly. he already told you he wants no contact, and i found that the kindest goodbye sometimes happens privately, especially when another message could pull you right back into waiting.
write it but don't send it
i’ve been there, and i sent that “one last message” hoping it would make the ending feel softer. it actually left me staring at my phone again, wondering if they’d read it, so i really feel why you’re torn.
sending hugs
no please don't send it
i know you want the ending to feel intentional after all that mixed closeness. if you knew for certain he would never read or reply to the goodbye, would you still feel like you needed to send it?
I feel like I need to put the words out there. but I’m not sure if that’s just the part of me who desperately needs to be understood and don’t know how I would feel if the message is never read.
dont send it. you got your goodbye from his lack of response and his earlier replies. What has really helped me is drafting the message in my notes and I sit with it. After a couple of days, the need to send it disappear. You make your own closure. Im sorry you work together, that makes things so much harder
I think the reason I still feel like sending one final message is that I want him to understand why I reacted the way I did.
It’s not because I want to change his mind, make him feel guilty, or get him to come back. I think I just need him to understand that my reaction didn’t come out of nowhere. I had been holding in so much confusion and hurt for such a long time, while trying to understand what was happening between us.
But for now I think I will keep it in my draft. Thank you for your insight
@WavyKind427 I think you need to be curious about this. Ask yourself "What is the reason why I feel the need to be understood"
The only person who needs your understanding is yourself.
@DreamyWay697 You’re right <3
I don’t think you should. You could write that message and then save it somewhere (I saved mine in my notes app). If he wanted to talk, he would’ve responded. Sending him the message would only make you hopeful about getting a reply and that’s not what you want.
I’m also worried that it would reopen the hurt if he doesn’t even want to read the message. But I also still have to see him at work and don’t want him to think of me by the last few messages. I want to let him know that I will let go now and we will be okay at wok. I don’t know if that’s foolish.
@WavyKind427 I understand your point. But I think you should not worry about what he thinks. It should not matter anymore. It is enough that you undetstand yourself 💜
I think one final message will probably not change the outcome of your relationship - if he wanted to talk, clarify feelings, or provide a proper closure, he could do that, instead of pulling away. It is difficult though to maintain composure when emotions are affecting us.
If sending a final message helps you feeling at peace, do it! You could mark it as a stepping stone and then move towards your future healing. The hurt will pass eventually, once you take your distance and start living new things.
This is how I view it <3 good luck
Thank you. I feel it would help to close the door. I don’t expect him to respond but I also worry that I would be hurt if he doesn’t at least want to read the message.