for some context, me and my girlfriend broke up two weeks ago. We been dating for about a year and a half, and honestly the break up felt extremely blindsided. We had been arguing on and off for the past month or so, but it wasn't anything bad and I figured we were having a great week. Then randomly I got a call in a text telling me that she felt like she needed space and felt like we both needed time to learn and grow and then maybe we could get back together in the future. She kept saying that she's looking at this like an opportunity for us to grow and not for us to break up and go mess around... if you will. we ended things on really good terms, and I didn't sit there and argue with her or beg for her back. But since then she's been on and off, texting me and sliding up on my Instagram stories, and I honestly have been doing the same because it makes me feel just as good when I start conversations with her. I asked her a few times during these conversations if we wanna go back to casually contacting each other but every time she said no, and said that she feels bad for reaching out again, and we should do no contact so about one day ago, I made the decision to fully commit to no contact and decided to let her know that I would be removing her on all social media but leaving text message open if she ever needs to reach out. We both go to the same college so I know after the summer we will definitely see each other. I don't know what I should do and if I should just take the summer and relax and try to reach out to her later on. or what
Last updated on:2026-05-28T18:53:02+05:30
Comments (4)
removing her on socials was the right move. if someone says they need space but still keeps reaching out whenever they miss you, it creates this constant hope loop
she actually wants to rebuild something eventually, or does it feel more like she’s scared to fully let go of the comfort and connection you gave her?
I honestly can’t tell but I wish it was the first
Hey there. First, I just want to wrap you in a lot of support right now. I am so incredibly sorry you are going through this. Being blindsided by a breakup is a uniquely painful experience—it truly feels like the rug has been pulled out from under your entire world. I’ve been through a blindsiding breakup myself, and while everyone’s pain is unique, I remember that exact feeling of shock and confusion. It sucks, and it is completely exhausting, especially when you thought you were having a great week.
I also know how draining and circular arguments can be. It takes a massive toll on your heart, so please know you are not alone in feeling this way.
I want to say how incredibly proud I am of you for how you handled that initial conversation. Not begging or arguing, and simply listening even though you were hurting? That took an immense amount of strength, dignity, and courage. You should be really proud of yourself for that. And good on you for committing to full no-contact a day ago. Drawing that line on social media while leaving a text channel open is a very mature, grounded boundary. It gives you both the breathing room you actually need.
Since you're processing all of this and looking ahead to seeing her at college after the summer, I wanted to gently ask a few questions to help you reflect:
Is getting back together truly what you want? If it is, how do you feel about using this summer to focus entirely on your own growth?
What does that growth look like for you? If you two were to reunite down the road, what patterns would you want to do differently? What parts of your own communication would you want to strengthen?
Are you comfortable with the timeline? Real, meaningful internal change and rewiring old habits usually takes about six months to a year. Are you open to staying single and focusing on yourself for that long without rushing the process?
What is her side of the street looking like? Do you know how she plans to work on herself during this time, or what she is committed to changing so the circular arguments don't just start up again?
If you are open to it, this app has some incredible breakup coaches, and counseling can be a game-changer for processing the grief. Even just committing to 15 minutes a day of reading or listening to an audiobook can completely shift your perspective.
Here are a few books that completely changed things for me and might help you navigate these waters:
"Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" – A fantastic first read to help you sort through the confusion and process whether the relationship is healthy to return to.
"Fight Right" – Excellent for figuring out how to navigate miscommunications and disagreements effectively.
"Love & Respect" – A great deep dive into understanding different core emotional needs in a relationship.
"Boundaries" – This will teach you how to set healthy limits for yourself and how to deeply respect the boundaries of others.
"I Hear You" – A total game-changer. It teaches you exactly how to become a great listener and validate someone else's feelings effectively.
Taking the summer to just relax, heal, and focus on yourself is a beautiful plan. You could choose a specific date over the summer to maintain strict no-contact to give yourself a clear goal. You've already set a great boundary by letting her know you won't be on her social media, but that you haven't blocked her number. You are handling a very painful situation with a lot of grace. Take it one day at a time—you’ve got this.Before you fully dive into no-contact, I highly recommend giving her a gentle heads-up a few days in advance. You can say something like: "Hey, I've been reflecting on our separation, and before we completely unplug for the summer, I'd love to connect one last time to make sure we are on the same page. I want to check in about our timeline and what we are both hoping to focus on during this space so we can protect both of our hearts." Giving her a few days to process this ensures she won't feel cornered or blindsided when you actually talk.
Then, when you do have that final conversation, you can ask her this one killer, clarifying question: "How long do you want to commit to going no-contact before we reach out to see if we want to get back together, and what exactly are you going to work on during this time?" This question is so powerful because it forces a moment of absolute honesty. It shifts the breakup from a vague, lingering pause into an intentional period of accountability, letting you know exactly where you stand so you can take the summer to focus entirely on yourself.