well the past 24 hours have sucked, because its the first time in my 16 relapses that I have had to really accept that this is actually over. He kept pushing on our last call that I need to start dating other people. I don't really understand it. it makes me feel like he doesn't really understand me at all.
I was single for 4 years before him. He was the first date I had agreed to go on in over a year on the dating apps. To be loved by me is rare and a gift. Do you think he was just pushing it because he is already on the dating apps, or something else? its been really bothering me and I sort of feel like saying something, but I don't know.
Last updated on:2026-07-22T14:59:23+05:30
Comments (19)
ugh I’m sorry you’re going through this turmoil. you have been such a supportive light on this app, and I’m glad that you know your worth and the rarity of your love. I hope you can focus that love (including your understanding and empathy) on yourself. you’ll never know the true answer on why someone does or says the things they do, and I’m not sure that an answer actually helps to heal. in this case, knowing he’s dating would likely be painful for you, or knowing he’s not could give you a false sense of hope. you can heal without knowing - it is possible and I’m rooting for you!
thankyou. your beautiful message made me smile. I was not in a good place yesterday and this morning, I know I was just clutching at straws and doubling down on my pain. I know im going to be ok and I know its going to take some time. What i haven't really shared too much on here is that my partner of 8 years before this relationship passed away 4 years ago, and this is the first relationship and breakup ive had since that, so i think its hitting me harder. What I love about the community here is the kindness and patience to not be ok. I look forward to the day when I can thank everybody and delete it, but in the meantime I really appreciate you taking the time to write this message 🫶
@FrostJet725 just because your doing better doesnt mean you need to delete the app. maybe you could help someone else? =) good for thought for the future you. keep up the hard work I know ur struggles.
one thing I learned is that men project what they are doing onto like when I slept with my ex he kept saying" I hope I didnt make you cheat on anyone" and he just kept asking at first I thought it was because he was checking to see if I was seeing someone but after the fall out and me showing up to his house and seeing the car in his driveway I understood why he kept saying that its because he was in a relationship. that being said I think he is that is why he is trying to push you to do it I could be wrong but this is just my experience. let him try and fill the void he will soon see how rare the love you give is and the beautiful thing about is is that when he comes back kus they always do you will not have any feelings for him. it'll be amazing 👏🏽
i’ve been through that urge to send one more message just to make them understand the depth of what they meant to me.
This comment is deleted.
thanks Jeff. I wasn't beating myself up for the relapses. it doesn't actually bother me. we have had a cycle of of his avoidant pattern for a long time and us breaking up and connecting back up. My despair is from the fact that we have finally called it for the first time in this very long cycle. 🫶
@Jeff thanks I appreciate it. if I can be honest. I found your message kinda condescending and not particularly helpful, especially as its the first time you have engaged with my story.
when my ex kept telling me to “move on” and it hurt because it felt like he was trying to decide my timeline for me.
yeah its annoying. even when I said its not my style. I would rather be healed first and not to keep suggesting it. he still continued to say it. it was really weird.
when he kept pushing you to date others, did he seem like he was trying to help you heal, or did it feel more like he was trying to make himself feel better about the breakup?
maybe a bit of both. im honestly not sure.
You need space and time to rebuild yourself. As do I. We have said everything there is to say and theres has to come a point where we have to put our own wellbeing first. This fire we go through is supposed to strip away our weaknesses and make us stronger. Rooting for you always 🫶
I know. I just got myself into a tizzy. I guess it happens. I do volunteering once a week. so i am about to go to that. its always a welcome distraction. i really appreciate your support btw. Maybe cos we seem to be the only Ozzie's here, it feels like we kinda understand each other or something.
@FrostJet725 Your support has been great for me too. When we're going through this we respect others battling the same thing. Wish you were in melb though,having people to do activites with would've been great. I have a very small circle and the mate I see the most is flying to Canada next week.
@Havingablast that's tough. I have a pretty small friend group too and im pretty sure they are sick of hearing me winge about my ex. we have some pretty great hiking trails in Adelaide 🤭 its only a 45 min flight 😝
@FrostJet725 A weekend in adelaide sounds goood, possibly in a month or two. Will def let you know so you can show me around ! Then if you're ever in Melb I can show you some amazing trails. Im not much of an art guy so cant really help you on that front 😅
I’m gonna be 100% honest. If he is pushing the idea of you already dating other people, it’s probably a sign that he wants to make it acceptable for him to do the same. Is he already dating someone else? You can’t know that, all you can know is what you decide to do know.
What he does, and who he’s with is not in your control. So try and focus on the things that you can control. And honestly if he is already ready to start seeing other people, he wasn’t worth it to begin with. His lose, not yours.
I know he is on the apps, but im not sure if he has gone on any dates. its weird, the idea of him going on dates doesn't bother me as much as he seemingly not knowing who I am at all. Its weird to say out loud. My issue is more that he just doesn't understand how rare it is to be loved by me. Honestly. im super emotional today after yesterday's events, and im sure i probably am spiralling and not making much sense.