It has been almost a year since I ended things with him. I didn't want to leave but I couldn't keep living the way we were. I was exhausted. We kept going in circles and even though he never said it out loud I could tell he wasn't happy either.
Some days I feel like I'm finally moving forward then I see him drive past him or a memory catches me out of nowhere. I've been going to therapy staying active doing everything I can to heal.
It is getting better though. The good days last longer now. The hard days usually come in waves that last about a week. It just feels like those are always the times I run into him.
Looking back I know we weren't the right match and I've made peace with that. What still hurts is how badly I wanted him to be my person for the rest of my life. Seeing him with someone new only two months after we broke up broke my heart all over again.
Sometimes I want to blame him for everything. Other times I know it wasn't that simple. I still can't always separate what was my part what was a reaction to his behavior and what was simply two people who couldn't make it work.
I signed up for speed dating but I honestly don't know if I'm ready. I'm trying to see it as a chance to meet new people instead of putting pressure on myself. Still there are days when I fall right back into those early breakup thoughts that no one compares to him that I don't want to kiss anyone else or share my life with someone new.
Sometimes I'm scared I'll never find my person. I'm trying to accept that possibility because I'd rather be alone than settle for someone who isn't right for me. But that doesn't stop the loneliness. I never wanted to end up here. I didn't want to lose the relationship and be alone. I just couldn't see another way because nothing was changing and I couldn't keep living like that.
I think what hurts most is believing he never truly saw how deeply I loved him. It often felt like he simply tolerated me. And no matter how much love I gave it couldn't change the fact that he didn't love me the same way
Last updated on:2026-06-26T19:56:12+05:30
Comments (4)
stayed in a relationship long after i knew it wasn't working because i wanted SO badly for love to be enough. leaving hurt, but staying was slowly breaking me too.
i'm glad you aren't forcing yourself to date just because time has passed. when i stopped chasing the feeling that i "should" be over it, the good days started coming more naturally.
my heart hurts for you🥺
choose yourself and let him go becuase if he loved he would make it work trust me