i had feelings for this guy all through high school. we barely talked. i wanted to but my social anxiety and depression were really bad back then. right before graduation i finally told him over text how i felt. he said he never saw me like that. we never dated. then school ended and we just… went our separate ways.
but i still think about him. my mind keeps playing these little “what if” edits like if i was different more confident better somehow maybe it could’ve worked. then i snap back to reality and it literally hurts in my chest. one day he’s gonna end up with someone and i honestly hope i never have to see that. i don’t think i could handle it.
i keep comparing myself to the type of girls he likes. i catch myself trying to morph into that without even meaning to. which is wild because we haven’t spoken in three years. why am i still like this?
i’m exhausted. i can’t really put myself out there right now because of personal stuff. if i could erase him from my memory like in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind i would.
does this ever actually fade?
Last updated on:2026-02-27T19:35:04+05:30
Comments (5)
do you think you’re missing him… or the version of yourself you wish you could’ve been back then?
it didn’t disappear overnight. it faded when i stopped feeding the fantasy version of him. the real him said he didn’t feel it
i had a high school “what if” too. never dated, barely talked, but in my head it was this whole epic love story. when he said he didn’t see me that way, i turned it into “i’m not enough.” i spent YEARS trying to become his “type.” it wasn’t even about him anymore. it was about proving i was lovable you’re not weird for this. unresolved stuff lingers.
Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story. I know it’s not easy to be that vulnerable, but I want you to know that you are absolutely not alone in feeling this way.
I am so proud of you for finding the strength to tell him how you felt back then. Doing that while navigating social anxiety and depression is a massive, brave step—especially in high school. I dealt with depression and anxiety back then too, so while I don't know your exact path, I truly understand that deep, 'stuck' feeling.
I can still remember how intense my feelings were for a guy I liked in high school. He was popular and always had a girlfriend. We were friends at one point, but as I started dealing with my mental health and some childhood trauma I wasn't yet aware of, I started to pull away from our friend group. For a long time, I was convinced he was the only one for me.
What changed for me was time and focusing on my own healing. Once high school ended and I learned how to manage my depression and anxiety, I started going out more. I began meeting new people, and eventually, I met guys who were actually interested in me. That was the turning point that helped me move on.
I think it is incredible and so self-aware of you to recognize that you can't put yourself out there right now because of personal things that need your attention. Taking that time for yourself is a sign of strength, not a setback.
I promise you, this does fade. It’s just going to take time. Sometimes our brains just get stuck on certain people, but one day, someone will come along who chooses you back, and you will realize you’ve forgotten all about the 'what ifs' of the past.
If you're looking for a perspective shift, it might be helpful to read "He’s Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt. I read it during a breakup, and it really helped me realize that if someone isn't choosing me, they aren't the one for me.
Hang in there. You are doing the hard work of healing, and you should be so proud of how far you’ve come.❤️
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