I (40M) was with my ex (41F, ADHD, two kids) for several years. We didn’t live together — I always drove to her place (130km away), she rarely came to mine. I was the one who was always there for her — helping with her kids’ crises (especially her daughter who has severe ADHD and behavioral issues), fixing things in her house, supporting her emotionally, driving her family around, etc.
Her life was extremely chaotic. She couldn’t sleep anymore because she was constantly listening for her daughter trying to escape at night. She also had major ongoing issues with the father of the children, and recently the daughter refused to go to her dad anymore, which made life at home absolute hell for my ex.
The relationship was very intense with lots of highs and lows. She often told me I was the love of her life and we had a special connection. Around New Year I was already half checked out ( mostly because of the constant inbalance), but we still went on a trip to Malta together. She called it “heaven” and was really thankful. A few weeks later I discovered she was on dating apps while we were still together. I left immediately. I didnt want to contact here anymore. But my sister advised me to still talk to her. So i went over and we talked.. she said she never went on a date, but it would make it easier to leave me. ( She often said i deserve better and that she couldnt offer me anything) She also wansnt sure if she would put in real effort to save the relationship. Also asked me to stay the night, in the morning is went to work. And she texted me that for now her feeling is that we should go our sperate ways.
Since then I’ve been in a really bad place. I keep romanticizing the good moments (the cuddles, the intimacy, the feeling of “someone is there”), even though I know the relationship was imbalanced and exhausting. I’m scared I’ll never find anyone else, and the fear of being truly alone again after 4 years in relationships is hitting me hard.
I’m trying to stay no contact, but the loneliness is brutal. Mornings are the worst. I run, i play padel, go to work.. try to stay busy, but my mind keeps going back to her.
I also have a account on bumble and talking to a few woman.. also a date next sunday. But nobody seems good enough.
Has anyone else been through this kind of intense, addictive relationship and come out the other side? How long did it take before the fear of being alone forever started to fade? Any advice for getting through the worst weeks? Do you think she will ever reach out again?
Thanks for reading.
Last updated on:2026-04-24T14:41:50+05:30
Comments (8)
she will only reach out if she didn’t get a good person like you to be with even that is not love so move on. I have been on a dating apps but have not gotten any one who is serious but before you have to heal before you can get one
do you think you miss her, or more the feeling of being needed and having someone there every day?
i dont really miss her i think.the good moments yes.
Even i knew she wasnt good for me and i was doubting the relationship for months already. But still now it ended it hit me really hard. Much harder than expected!
i’ve been in something where i gave EVERYTHING and kept driving back into chaos because the highs felt so good. the loneliness after leaving that kind of intensity is brutal, mornings especially, it felt like withdrawal for me
yes true 😥
go out and explore another
make a new hobby
virtual hugs to u, my friend