My girlfriend ended our relationship with me yesterday and I feel completely shattered.
We had been talking for about a year and a half and officially dating since September. For most of that time our relationship felt amazing. We spent so much time together going to museums listening to jazz taking trips and making memories. We even spent a week together in Greece. We saw each other several times a week and genuinely enjoyed being around one another.
Like any couple we had challenges. She wasn't comfortable with my weed use so I agreed to cut back and did so without resentment. We also worked through some cultural differences including boundaries her parents had around our relationship. Whenever problems came up we talked them through respectfully and found solutions together.
What makes this so hard is that the love felt real. She loved me deeply and I still love her deeply now. The reason she gave for ending things was that she wanted to find herself. She said being in a relationship felt like a commitment she no longer had the energy for and that she needed space to focus on herself.
Hearing that felt like my entire future collapsed overnight. The day after the breakup I reached out hoping we could talk things through. We ended up talking and crying together for seven hours. It didn't feel like the love was gone. Instead it felt like life had become so overwhelming for her that she felt she needed to make a major change and see if it helped.
Now she's gone and I promised I wouldn't contact her anymore. I wanted to respect her wishes and give her the freedom she said she needed. Part of me believes that's the right thing to do. Another part of me worries that cutting contact completely isn't what she truly needs especially when she's struggling. I loved her unconditionally. I would have accepted almost any future as long as she was in it.
Looking back I wonder if my excitement about our future together unintentionally pushed her away. I thought I was offering stability and certainty but maybe she experienced it as pressure.
Right now I feel ashamed exhausted hopeless and heartbroken. I keep hoping she'll reach out one day and that we'll have another chance. I've started looking into therapy because the pain feels overwhelming and I know I can't carry it alone.
I don't know whether I should keep holding onto hope or try to let go. Part of me is terrified that if I stop believing she might come back I'll lose my motivation to keep moving forward. I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone and right now I can't imagine what life looks like without her.
Last updated on:2026-06-19T21:19:11+05:30
Comments (6)
i had an ex tell me she needed to "find herself" too, and the hardest part was that the love still seemed real. there was no big fight, no betrayal, just someone choosing to leave anyway.
i'm glad you're looking into therapy. when i was where you are, i stopped trying to decide whether hope was good or bad and just focused on getting through the next day. the answer about us came later, but i needed to survive the heartbreak first.
during those seven hours of talking and crying together, did she sound certain that she wanted the breakup, or did it feel like she was torn between staying and leaving?
Oh man, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure this feels totally blindsiding. Therapy is a great really great idea and I’m happy you’re giving it a try. At this point, even though it feels impossible, I hope you have an open mind about doing things for yourself, not her.
I would say give her the space and wait for her to reach out to you. in the meantime do some things you enjoy that you stopped doing because of the relationship.. perhaps not the weed though
Oh goodness that is fresh and painful sending you hugs.