We both started at the same school around the same time. The first time I saw her something just clicked. She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen and I remember thinking there was no way someone could be that beautiful and also intelligent funny and kind. I was wrong.
The more I got to know her the more I admired everything about her. Her sense of humor was terrible sometimes but somehow it always made me laugh. She was smart driven ambitious and before long I was completely in love with her.
Then I found out she had a boyfriend.
At the time I wasn't the best version of myself. I spent time with the wrong people drank too much and wasn't taking life seriously. My grades were decent but I knew I was capable of more. I had also missed a full year of school because of a serious kidney condition and had been struggling with depression ever since.
Eventually I decided to repeat a year of school. Part of the reason was academic but part of it was because seeing her every day had become painful.
For the next two years I kept my distance. I never crossed any boundaries because I respected her relationship. Still my feelings never went away. If anything they grew stronger. I started believing I wasn't good enough for her and that someone like her could never want someone like me.
That mindset pushed me to change my life. I cut ties with people who were holding me back and kept only a couple of close friends who genuinely made me better. I started kickboxing which became a huge part of my life and I began taking school much more seriously.
I even blocked her on social media for a while because I thought it would help me move on. It didn't.
After she graduated I finally sent her a long message telling her how I felt. She responded kindly and respectfully.
It's been over a year since we've spoken or seen each other but I still think about her every day.
I've tried dating other people but nothing feels the same. I catch myself comparing every woman to her. People tell me I shouldn't have trouble finding someone. They see a disciplined athlete who's worked hard on himself. What they don't see is that my heart never really left her.
Even now I sometimes make decisions based on whether she'd approve of them. I compare myself to her boyfriend and wonder if I'd ever measure up. As much as it hurts she's also one of the reasons I became a better person.
I just wish becoming a better person had been enough to let her go.
Last updated on:2026-06-25T11:36:11+05:30
Comments (1)
i spent years carrying feelings for someone who never actually became mine, and somehow that hurt more because there was never a real ending. i changed so much trying to become someone i thought they'd choose, and even after they were gone, they still lived in my head.