We both started at the same school around the same time. The first time I saw her something just clicked. She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen and I remember thinking there was no way someone could be that beautiful and also intelligent funny and kind. I was wrong.
The more I got to know her the more I admired everything about her. Her sense of humor was terrible sometimes but somehow it always made me laugh. She was smart driven ambitious and before long I was completely in love with her.
Then I found out she had a boyfriend.
At the time I wasn't the best version of myself. I spent time with the wrong people drank too much and wasn't taking life seriously. My grades were decent but I knew I was capable of more. I had also missed a full year of school because of a serious kidney condition and had been struggling with depression ever since.
Eventually I decided to repeat a year of school. Part of the reason was academic but part of it was because seeing her every day had become painful.
For the next two years I kept my distance. I never crossed any boundaries because I respected her relationship. Still my feelings never went away. If anything they grew stronger. I started believing I wasn't good enough for her and that someone like her could never want someone like me.
That mindset pushed me to change my life. I cut ties with people who were holding me back and kept only a couple of close friends who genuinely made me better. I started kickboxing which became a huge part of my life and I began taking school much more seriously.
I even blocked her on social media for a while because I thought it would help me move on. It didn't.
After she graduated I finally sent her a long message telling her how I felt. She responded kindly and respectfully.
It's been over a year since we've spoken or seen each other but I still think about her every day.
I've tried dating other people but nothing feels the same. I catch myself comparing every woman to her. People tell me I shouldn't have trouble finding someone. They see a disciplined athlete who's worked hard on himself. What they don't see is that my heart never really left her.
Even now I sometimes make decisions based on whether she'd approve of them. I compare myself to her boyfriend and wonder if I'd ever measure up. As much as it hurts she's also one of the reasons I became a better person.
I just wish becoming a better person had been enough to let her go.
Last updated on:2026-06-25T17:39:12+05:30
Comments (3)
i had built part of my identity around loving that person, so letting go felt like losing a piece of myself too. i had to start making choices for ME, not for the version of me that still hoped they'd notice.
if she called you tomorrow and said she was happy with her boyfriend and always would be, do you think you'd still want to hold on to her, or are you holding on to the possibility of what could've been?
i spent years carrying feelings for someone who never actually became mine, and somehow that hurt more because there was never a real ending. i changed so much trying to become someone i thought they'd choose, and even after they were gone, they still lived in my head.