So I broke contact the other day. I didn't initiate but responded to him sending a "proof" of me cheating on him. (Entirely false) I know I should have ignored it, as a non-response is the best thing to do when someone is telling you of their delusions. For a week, he had been sending me messages detailing the "cheating", and I just ignored them. But not that night. He sent an audio recording of him leaving early for work, me waking up early to see him go, and then him coming back immediately again because he left his keys. And his psychosis made him hear all sorts of much worse things in that recording. I'm sad because it's clear he's getting worse. And then I felt relieved, because I also feared he might have sent me an edited recording to prove he's right. Then, I felt sad again, because in that recorded moment, I might have been feeling quietly contented, sharing that little moment very early morning with him. I might have made him coffee to bring to work. And now, he doesn't even remember that. He couldn't even recognize his own voice.
I still get angry sometimes. Was all of that due to his psychosis? Or some of it due to his insecurities, or his insecurities magnifying his delusions? I kept telling him that he was enough for me.
And you know what's worse? He was going out with a married woman while we were only dating. And he got her pregnant. (She decided not to keep it.) And he started becoming jealous of an "imaginary" man that I might be dating other than him even before we started becoming official. Yes, he was projecting. (That was one of my suspicions when he started doing that.) And he lied about important parts of it before telling me the whole story.
So we weren't going to last. I knew that, when we reconnected last year after 10 years (we casually dated before) but I didn't expect it would be in a way much worse than I imagined. And then he told me some things only this year, about one of his delusions that goes back to at the start of those 10 years, and I realized that I really had very little chance to make it work, for us to make it work.
Last updated on:2026-05-11T09:33:34+05:30
Comments (5)
i dated someone whose paranoia kept turning love into interrogation and it slowly made me question my own reality too. hearing him twist a quiet little memory like that into something ugly would’ve shattered me
i know this feeling of trying to separate the illness from the choices they made. what helped me eventually was accepting that even if some of it came from psychosis, it still hurt me deeply and i was still allowed to step away from it.
i keep thinking about the part where you said you realized you never really had much of a chance. do you think part of your grief now is mourning the relationship, but also mourning the version of him you kept hoping was still in there somewhere
i don't really know really. I still treasure my good memories of him. Maybe it's him reevaluating all the happy times we had together because now he's looking at them as all an act of mine, to deceive him (that's how deep seated his delusions are). i try not to be bothered by this anymore, as I know i can't do anything about it
*reconnected last year* > *going out last year* (we reconnected 2 years before that, if you could call finding each other in twitter "reconnection", but mostly we ignored each other, had only a few twitter dms, and him following me a few times and me soft blocking him every time to remove him as a follower until finally one day he asked for my phone number)