what breaks my heart more is knowing what the two of us are thinking is vastly different.
he’s simmering in hurt and hatred that he’s held for me for years, for my mistakes and my changes I didn’t make. how he thought of how angry I would get during arguments, how my splits make me someone i’m not. the hurtful things I said that I don’t recognize now when i’m going back to read them, the person I refuse to remain.
I wonder if he thinks about any of the good in me anymore. and that’s not my place to ask right now.
it’s why i’m here, so I can get an answer to that someday.
im thinking about how soft his hugs were and how he smelled when I ran into his arms after a long day, how he’d lie his head in my lap and put his hand on my knee when he drove like it was a habit. I think about how I’d curl up on his chest at the end of a long day and just lose myself in scrolling his fyp.
I try not to think about how badly he hurts me, too. about how so much of our life was about him. about what he couldn’t meet. and how he didn’t want to change things, either. couldn’t communicate half the time. how he distances and runs and leaves his feelings hidden, how he spread our story to everyone he knew and has a net of people who despise me.
it’s our love, not theirs.
is it awful to be happy most of them aren’t in irl range of him right now?
i wonder what he’s thinking right now.
I’d forgive everything in a heartbeat and restart our relationship in the blink of an eye.
but I don’t know if im worth that for him.
Last updated on:2026-05-14T21:54:45+05:30
Comments (5)
when you picture him right now, do you think you miss HIM most or the safety and closeness you two built together?
him. i miss him more than anything.
the fact that you can see your part AND his says a lot. after my breakup i kept putting all the blame on myself and it destroyed me. relationships crack from both sides most of the time, even if the guilt feels heavier on one person.
we aren’t even broken up yet. I just have to process everything and im more than ready to admit my mistakes and want to change. but I can’t force that for him even if hes my everything.
i’ve been the person rereading old messages thinking “who even was that version of me?” 💔 it’s such a weird grief when you miss someone deeply but also know you both hurt each other in real ways.