My ex and I were together for three and a half years before he ended the relationship about four months ago. The breakup was his decision. He told me he was struggling with depression stress and his own unhappiness and felt he wasn't in the right place for a relationship.
Since then we've never fully gone no-contact.
The first couple of months were confusing. Some days he'd tell me to move on and remind me we weren't together anymore. Other times he'd apologize for being harsh check in on me help with our dog call me regularly and occasionally stay over. During one conversation he even admitted that maybe he should have tried harder and that I could have eased up on certain issues in the relationship.
Lately things have shifted even more.
We mostly communicate through phone calls because he says texting causes both of us to overthink. When we talk we still laugh flirt joke around and spend a lot of time together. Recently we agreed to a friends-with-benefits arrangement after he brought it up. When he asked he seemed nervous rather than certain.
What confuses me are the mixed signals.
He's told me to move on yet he's also listed all of my best qualities during disagreements seemed jealous at the idea of me dating someone else and once said "Nobody is ever going to be right for you" before adding "Same goes for me."
He often chooses phone calls over texts struggles to end conversations and sometimes seems reluctant to hang up.
At one point he downloaded Tinder because he assumed I was seeing another guy while we hadn't been talking as much. When I explained the guy was just a friend he apologized and seemed genuinely remorseful.
the biggest difference though is how he treats me now.
One of the major issues in our relationship was that I often felt invisible when his friends were around. Back then all of his attention would go to them.
Now he helps me cook takes an interest in my hobbies watches me draw compliments my artwork notices when something is wrong without me having to explain it and actively tries to make things right when I've been hurt.
Recently he spent several days and nights with me during his time off work. We've also traveled together in his motorhome sometimes with one of his close friends. On one trip I felt disappointed because I thought we were having time away together and his friend ended up joining us. Before I even brought it up he noticed I was upset apologized and promised we'd have time together separately as well. That's something he never would have done before.
He's making plans for future trips spending quality time with me and remains very involved in our dog's life.
What I struggle to understand is that he says he's not ready for a relationship yet many of his actions feel far more like a relationship than a friendship or casual arrangement.
Last updated on:2026-06-18T19:50:12+05:30
Comments (4)
my ex kept saying we were done while still acting like i was his person, and the mixed signals were honestly harder than the breakup itself.
paying more attention to what was actually being offered than what i hoped it was leading to. i got stuck for months waiting for actions to turn into a commitment that never came.
has he ever actually said what being "not ready for a relationship" means to him right now? because from what you wrote, it sounds like he's comfortable having a lot of the relationship without calling it one.
the only advice I have is - he has to fully lose you to appreciate you. You are both in a state of limbo unable to let each other go. But to loosen the grip on this relationship is what you need to do. He needs to choose you fully, or let you go, none of this in between crap