I keep myself busy. I do all the things people tell you to do after a breakup. I try not to dwell on it. I remind myself of every hurtful thing he did and how he destroyed our relationship while somehow making me believe it was my fault.
For six years it was the same cycle. Every few months he'd self-destruct leave come back make promises and then repeat it all over again. Meanwhile he told other people I was the one keeping him from leaving which couldn't have been further from the truth.
Last year he was arrested for domestic violence. The charge was eventually reduced but even then I stayed. Looking back I can see there were serious issues he needed help for whether it was bipolar disorder BPD or something else entirely. At this point it doesn't even matter because he refused to address any of it even when it was costing us everything.
If I'm honest he should have been out of my life years ago. What hurts is how long I stayed. I forgave things I shouldn't have forgiven. I made excuses. I believed promises that never lasted. I kept hoping this time would be different.
Now he's gone. He ghosted me told people I'm crazy and blames me for everything including his arrest which wasn't my fault. It's like he became a completely different person overnight.
What I can't understand is how someone can spend six years with you call you their best friend watch you love them through everything and then walk away without looking back. How do they leave knowing how much damage they've caused and seem completely unaffected?
I know I didn't deserve what happened. I know the relationship was unhealthy. I know I should be relieved it's over. But my heart hasn't caught up to what my head already knows.
How long does it take for that ache in your chest to ease? How long until you stop feeling like the person who meant everything to you saw you as nothing?
Right now it feels like the thing I thought would heal me was the very thing that broke me. I just want to find my way back to myself. I just want to be happy again.
Last updated on:2026-06-25T20:37:12+05:30
Comments (5)
my heart was grieving the person i hoped she'd become, not the person she kept showing me she was. honestly, the ache got smaller when i stopped arguing with what had actually happened.
Hope you're doing every day a little better, like if you truly love someone you really don't want to hurt that person...
I can really relate to you. my ex bf broke of yesterday. he was quite agressieve and all he did was saying things like everything was my fault. the arguments are awful in particular because there was no room for my side of the story. I was walking on eggshells...at the time I stayed because he
can be really nice friendly, loveable when he's in a good mood.
i stayed in a cycle like that for years too, always believing the next apology would be the one that stuck. what hurt most wasn't losing him, it was realizing how much of myself i lost trying to save someone who didn't want to save themselves.
what does that look like for YOU, separate from him and everything that happened between you?
that sounds really difficult. I wish the time was short. perhaps it's as long as we need to learn the lessons we need to?