Why does my heart hurt so much after breaking up?

It's been about two months since I broke up with my best friend and my boyfriend at the same time. We were best friends for a year before dating briefly. It ended because even though we were insanely compatible and had great chemistry as friends, we were way too different as lovers. I'm sort of avoidant and also asexual, and he loved me loudly and I felt like he deserved so, so much better than me and that I was letting him down every day. So I broke up with him because ever since we got together, I had been so sick I couldn't even eat, I lost about 15 pounds in a month.

But I cared about him so deeply and he was my favourite person in the world. He was (and maybe still is) so deeply in love with me and I hurt him so bad by leaving, that it breaks my heart to have broken his. I miss him every single day, I miss him as my best friend, not as a partner. Everything reminds me of him wherever I go and it just makes me so sad. That if I wasn't so defensive, so closed off, so traumatized, he and I would've been perfect. I want to tell him everything about my day just like I did before but I can't now and it's so painful. God I miss him so much.

Last updated on:2026-09-01T10:29:04+05:30

Comments (11)

MissSwirl
MissSwirl 5 hrs ago

why didn’t you get therapy and tried to fix yourself for him since you were the perfect couple and it’s really reallyyyyy rare thing to encounter in life you should’ve tried to keep him, I’m not trying to blame you.

attackstarlight

Therapy's expensive and I'm just a college student 😭😭 i really wish

toddb7
toddb7 16 hrs ago

missing my ex after i ended things, then blaming myself for every reason it didn’t work.

WavyBae322
WavyBae322 21 hrs ago

man that's really painful to hear

Contract2
Contract2 22 hrs ago

the feeling of having your favourite person there to tell everything to?

CozySoul437
CozySoul437 yesterday

do you still love him as friends or lover?

LazerDash903
LazerDash903 15 hrs ago

i know we weren't compatible as lovers, i miss him as my best friend more than anything. but i remember some of the moments we had while dating and i miss them too

CozySoul437
CozySoul437 15 hrs ago

@LazerDash903 then maybe you should give him a second chance and said if we wont work out as lovers can we be friends again because i miss your presence as a friend and also i miss some things that we did in our relationship. be clear about your feelings there should be no pride in relationships

attackstarlight

@CozySoul437 i wanna go back to being friends but it isn't fair to him, he said he needs to heal and stop having feelings for me for that to happen

CozySoul437
CozySoul437 2 hrs ago

@attackstarlight oh its a complicated situation than... hmm i dont know what to say right now let me think about it and i will come with a solution

perkyme
perkyme yesterday

losing the person who was your best friend hurts in such a weird way, especially when you still love them deeply but know the relationship itself wasn’t right