I hope I can receive some advice to help me move on. me 26 and he 28, we had a 6 years relationship and he has been an overly jalouse and controlling yet he liked to spend time with me, we used to talk all night for years while we were students, we had our fights and it was me who asks to break up. He used to comfort me and showing his love and keep calling untill I forgive him. there were no gifts or surprises, I used to trust him and say he will do much effort when he start working, and no surprise, things didn't went as expected, less talking, yet always asking me to not go shopping unless he is with me, I always pay for my stuff, I do have a job and it is not about money but I wanted to see that he cares and want to make me happy even with small gifts. He used to make a deal from me talking with my friends untill I cutted all my relationships and what he did in return, flirts with girls in his work and with the interns this really made me go crazy and so disgusted because when I asked to breakup he kept saying he will end his life and he is hurted and crying, that wasn't what I wanted to hear, i needed him to ask what hurted me and pushed me to take this decision, i used to give many chances and in return I dont get any morning or goodnight texts as he used to and he only expect me to talk with him after 10 pm to watch a movie and when I refuse he say that its me pushing him away, he never got me flowers, kept saying he want us to get married but never showed that he actually doing effort so we can. He played with my mind for year and I really believed he loved me untill this year when I saw his reality and that he only used to love me maybe cause I used to support him financially and emotionally maybe cause he knew he was my first love and liked the idea and yet I was so stupid to contact him a month after we brock up thinking he may not be fine since he left me a very long text saying how much he is hurted and cant continue his life without me, but if that is the case, shouldn't a man show at door get some flowers and ask for a way to fix things instead of telling me I should unblock him and that he is not running from me? I may be crazy but i really felt disgusted and felt like he is telling me indirectly that am begging him to comeback while all I said is if you really love me do some efforts. I gived up hoping now that he may grow and do something so stopped answering him in email, i really just want to focus on my life now and improve my lifestyle but am sooo distracted whenever I remember how much time I spent talking with him in past years without experiencing any new things in life and cause I choosed a career based on what he choosed so we can study together and this is affecting my whole life now
Last updated on:2026-09-20T19:06:12+05:30
Comments (5)
that sounds like it’s hurting you almost as much as losing him. if you could choose your career, friendships, routines and life again with nobody else in the picture, what would you actually choose for yourself?
i’ve been in that kind of relationship where i slowly realized i had made my whole world smaller just to keep someone else comfortable. cutting off friends, changing my plans, constantly worrying about their reactions, then wondering where the years went… that realization hurt like hell.
This really taught us a lesson tho to never put someone else’s needs or comfort before our own needs and happiness. I feel so down whenever I realized that I wasn’t growing any side of mylife other than the relationship with him, then when I lost that I felt like I had lost my whole life. And honestly, I feel more anger toward myself than toward him.
Thank you so much Thenyrat for your support, how are things with you? this feelings are really hard to carry and to process, I hope they just fade with time
It is very logical that you are feeling confused. Sometimes our mind tends to project all the good memories, forgetting that we are actually hurt. It happens when we have empathy, but there are limits when it comes to manipulation. It is important that you realized it and addressed it. You know deep down that you want someone who'll give you what you actually need without making you feel bad for being a caring person who wants to feel loved! He needs to work on his problems and you don't have to make him love himself, you actually can't
I used to call it 'he just don't know' instead of using the right term manipulation. Thank you so much for your support, I really been thinking sometimes that I have been hard on him 'his words'. I always say it would be much easier if they came and say I don't love you or I dont like you the same, but pulling out slowly and never invest in the relationship then call the other person bad for not appreciating your love and not giving you time is diabolique