yesterday was officially a month since he said he would come back if this ever passed. a week after he blocked me i saw him with his arm around a girl who looks somewhat like me on his schools art society account and then a week after that they were standing together and smiling in another photo on the accounts story. idk what to think. i bring this up now because i cant stop spiralling and thinking about it. this is the same boy who when there was a storm and my electricity was out for over a week would message me and call still knowing i couldnt answer just to let it ring the full minute and talk about his day so it would feel like i was there. who held me together when i fell apart, who showed me that i was worthy of loving even if i was so flawed and had a lot of work to do still, who taught me how to love. im not his first, i may not even be his last, but he is my first love. he is my first thought when waking and my last thought before sleeping, who i think of talking to when i have a bad day and who i think would love to hear when i have a good one, my best friend i could have ever had. he was my heart. he could quiet every bad thought with his soft voice and his gentle demeanour and make me feel as safe as if he were holding me in his arms and calling me his beautiful baby boy. my birthday is next week and i always hated my birthday but now i hate it more because he was always trying to make me happy about my birthday and isnt here to celebrate with me, nobody is here to celebrate with me. i dont have anyone. i dont have any friends anymore, all my family lives far away and we aren’t close either. not a single person i can reach out to anymore. nobody to be proud of me after a good or bad day and no one to tell me its okay or that they love me or that im not too much and its killing me inside. it kills me that i dont know how his classes are going, or that i cant hear him snore and wake up to his voice waking me up and talking before we had to get ready for our days. i miss it. and i just dont understand any of it, it makes no sense. i dont get it and i just want to ask him but i cant
Last updated on:2026-09-20T16:54:12+05:30
Comments (1)
reading this broke my heart, especially knowing you pushed through physical harm and surgery while she treated you like garbage. i spent two years taking back an ex who would literally hang up on me during panic attacks, and breaking that cycle was the hardest thing i ever did. BLOCKING her completely was the only moment i finally got my breathing room back