it’s been 42 days since he broke up with me and it’s hurting now more than ever.
we were on and off towards the end and broke up once because I pushed him to make a decision because he was being so ambivalent.
we had been dating for 7 months and I really thought this was going to be my future husband and it has never felt so right with a previous partner. we were with each other all the time and spoke on the phone for hours at the start, gamed together, met each others family etc. then he slowly started backing off more and more, not playing with me, not speaking on the phone, cancelling valentines because he had to work until he almost avoided hanging out with me.
we broke up once but we said we would try to find our way back to each other (mainly him) and he texted me multiple times and eventually asked to meet up and try again but he said that he sometimes feel empty and when he feels that way he feels nothing towards me either, he just feels nothing.
then we started seeing each other for around 3 weeks and anytime I brought up a subject he would avoid it, he avoided saying I love you back at one point and then he eventually broke up with me and said that I’m too emotionally aware and that there’s just something missing. he wanted it to be me, and he feels like he will probably never find someone better than me but that’s just something he needs to accept.
this time it has been radio silence, he told me to reach out if I ever became too upset but we deleted each other everywhere.
both times we broke up I never reached out, he has always been the one reaching out first. but the last couple of days I have gotten a lot of panic feelings and feeling like I want to reach out because I’m hurting so bad and I really don’t know what to do.
how can I feel like it’s right and that he could still be my person when he obviously chose not to be with me? I’ve never questioned my intuition before and it’s really messing with my mind and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt this hurt in my life.
Last updated on:2026-07-07T20:38:12+05:30
Comments (9)
i was grieving the future i pictured, not the relationship i was actually living. someone who keeps choosing distance is telling you something, even when it hurts to hea
i had someone keep coming back too, and every time it gave me hope just to leave me even more shattered. the silence after the last goodbye was the hardest part because i kept waiting for my phone to light up.
it feels so selfish. it’s like they sit on all the power and he reached out even if I asked him
not to, as it would mess with my healing. and then for him to just dump me again. it’s like even in the breaking up process he was so extremely selfish and did not reflect on how it made us feel. I also question myself, like why am I feeling this extreme urge to reach out to someone who clearly put their needs above mine?
when you picture him as your person, are you thinking about who he was at the beginning or who he was during those last few weeks when he kept pulling away?
in a lot of ways the person at the beginning. but I also can see that I don’t need him as this perfect version he was at the start, I can accept the less perfect version of him. but not the version that abandoned me and avoided me and accountability. it’s just so hard because it felt like a relationship that could’ve worked was just out of reach, and I just feel so abandoned. I told him I don’t need him as perfect, but I just want him to at least give it a chance and it felt to me like he didn’t because he kept pushing me away.
he has told me that he has never been loved like this before and that it scares him and that he has never met anyone like me before, but also that he gets overwhelmed by me and my need to talk everything through.
its so hard - i am on 21 days and i have good and bad days. Somedays i am just angry somedays sad others i dont think about it. You just need to be strong and if he cares he will reach out if not you have your answer. Its so hard and it hurts but the ball is in their court. If you break no contact they will just not respect you and put you trough the same ordeal again
I agree, and I think it’s so hard because previously I had this sense of pride in not reaching out at all and being strong in that feeling. now I have this desperate panic feeling that I know he had last time we broke up which made him reach out multiple times, and I know he said he felt horrible when I didn’t respond that much originally.
and I feel sad that I’m having these feelings because even if I haven’t reached out yet even feeling this desperation makes me feel like I have taken 10 steps back.
it feels like the only solution is to talk to him but I know logically if we would ever have a chance of reconciliation it would need to come from him and him doing the inner work. but I currently feel like I’m dying inside, I don’t know what to do with all of these feelings.
For me, what hurts the most is the fact that the breakup was messy. It hurts that I tried so hard to glue together the broken pieces while he just watched. You're not alone. It will get better. We'll get through this ❤️
I feel you on that. I would offer solutions, be positive meanwhile he’d focus on all the things that was negative and how we were not compatible. telling me that we just didn’t find the same things funny and something was missing. even though we talked for hours and hours in the beginning of our relationship and it became more and more distant because he kept pulling back. it really sucks