Why can't i let go of my ex? confused about his mixed signals

I’m looking for some psychological insight into my ex-boyfriend’s behavior because I’m struggling to understand what happened between us.
We are from different countries and he currently lives and works in the UK. We were in a long-distance relationship for two years. The connection between us was intense—we had amazing chemistry loved each other deeply and shared many beautiful moments. However the relationship was also unstable because we both made mistakes.
At the beginning of the relationship I was emotionally guarded and sometimes hurtful toward him. I even ended things at one point after he had already booked two trips to come see me. It wasn’t because I didn’t love him—I truly did. My hesitation came from feeling overwhelmed by his jealousy and some of the ways he expressed himself which felt unfamiliar and intense to me. Unfortunately my inconsistency made him feel like my love wasn’t genuine.
We broke up multiple times and our final breakup lasted eight months. During that period he reacted very negatively. He sent provocative emails and behaved in ways that made me question whether my concerns about him had been valid. Eventually my anger faded he stopped trying to provoke me and I reached out to him again. He apologized sent me flowers and pursued me until I agreed to give our relationship another chance.
When he came to my country he treated me beautifully. He spent a lot of money on me bought me gifts and we traveled together. We became intimate for the first time. I was a virgin and he knew that. The experience was emotionally overwhelming for me—I was nervous cried afterward and repeatedly explained that my reaction came from fear and being overwhelmed not from a lack of love or attraction.
Instead of reassuring me he became suspicious and started questioning my feelings.
Later he met my family brought them gifts and told them he wanted to marry me which is an important cultural step in our background. But after he returned to the UK his doubts came back. He began questioning our entire relationship again.
He repeatedly asked why I had cried during our first intimate experience why I had left him before and whether I had ever truly loved him. Eventually he said he believed me loved me and wasn’t worried about my past. He said honesty was what mattered and that the real issue was that he felt emotionally exhausted because I had left him multiple times before.
However despite saying he believed me he also told me he no longer trusted me enough to bring me to the UK. He feared that I might leave him again after marriage or even after having children and that he would lose everything he had invested emotionally and financially.
I became exhausted from constantly trying to reassure him. Eventually I accepted the breakup. But after that he told me he couldn’t let me go that he still loved me and asked me to be patient because he felt emotionally numb. I stayed for another month hoping things would improve but he remained distant and cold.
I started feeling like I was being treated as though I was the only one who had made mistakes. I had also taken risks for this relationship traveled to be with him lied to my family to make things work and made many sacrifices. But despite everything I no longer felt emotionally secure or valued.
Eventually we ended the relationship permanently.
Even after the breakup he still occasionally emails me. Sometimes he says he wants to talk but when we do he barely says anything. Other times he sends me relationship videos including ones suggesting that a man should never take back a woman who left him. His messages often feel passive-aggressive almost as if he wants me to feel guilty or is trying to justify his own behavior.
At the same time he no longer actively pursues me or tries to rebuild the relationship.
I’m struggling to understand this contradiction. If he truly believes we have no future and that he can’t trust me enough to build a life together why does he continue reaching out?
Is this unresolved attachment wounded pride guilt emotional dependence or something else?
I would really appreciate any psychological perspective on what might be happening with him and why he seems unable to fully let go while also not choosing to come back.

Last updated on:2026-07-21T20:40:12+05:30