Why can't i move on after my boyfriend broke up with me?

my boyfriend of almost six years broke up with me on april 1 and i still can't seem to move on.
we grew up together from ages 14 to 20. we were talking about getting engaged and starting our future together. i truly believed we were building a life.
things started to change in january when he quit his apprenticeship without having another job lined up even after i begged him to wait until he had something else. his parents covered his bills his mental health seemed to decline and he completely lost his routine.
one day i checked on him after not hearing from him and found messages between him and a 17-year-old girl on Discord. They weren't sexual so i chose to forgive him because i thought he was struggling and wanted to support him. i encouraged him to start therapy and we became more involved in church together.
instead of getting better our relationship got worse. we argued more and he started mocking me whenever i cried or got upset. he made me feel childish for expressing my feelings.
on april 1 after what had been a great day together we talked about engagement rings. i noticed inconsistencies in what he had told me and it turned into an argument. he ended the relationship that night. i begged him not to but he said i was "always mad about something" and made him feel bad about himself.
a week later he called me crying saying none of it was my fault but also said he didn't want to get back together. two days after that i found out he had started dating the same 17-year-old girl from Discord almost immediately after our breakup. learning they became sexually involved hurt deeply because we had waited three years before becoming intimate.
for the next month we kept falling into the same cycle. he'd come back we'd try again then something would happen. we even agreed to take a break while staying exclusive but the very next day my cousin called to tell me he had liked her Tinder profile. i ended things again but he kept reaching out.
in may i met someone from church. he was kind patient prayed for me every night and reminded me that love didn't have to hurt. as things became more serious i told my ex i was seeing someone else. he became furious insulted me and blocked me.
weeks later he unblocked me and agreed to talk. during that conversation he admitted he wanted me back. he said he'd return to his old job go back to church and rebuild the life we had planned together. the problem was he already had a girlfriend and casually told me he planned to leave her anyway. i told him i didn't think getting back together was the right decision.
a few days later he changed his mind again saying he no longer wanted to work things out because i had started seeing someone else.
that conversation shattered me.
i still miss my best friend. i miss who we used to be before everything fell apart. i've tried reaching out since then but he isn't interested in talking and is still with his girlfriend.
i'm still seeing the man from church. he's everything i've prayed for kind patient faithful and supportive. on paper he's everything i could want in a husband.
but i'm still carrying so much pain.
my family tells me not to let my past relationship define my future but betrayal changes you. i don't feel like the same person anymore. sometimes i miss the version of myself who believed love was simple.
part of me still prays that God will somehow bring my ex back. another part of me prays for the strength to finally let him go.
i'm about to start nursing school and i want to walk into this new chapter with hope instead of heartbreak. i just don't know how to stop looking back at what we had when it was good.
i don't know how to let him go.

Last updated on:2026-07-31T05:29:07+05:30