my boyfriend and his friends have gone on a beach camping trip for the last two years. this time the weather has been rainy and stormy so there were moments when i stayed back at the tent while they went into the water. while i was alone i got curious and went through his phone.
this is honestly the first time i’ve ever done something like that. i looked through his messages and didn’t find anything suspicious. there were no conversations with other girls no bad comments about me to his friends nothing like that. if anything i found a lot of pictures of us and me saved on his phone. he’s my first serious relationship and he has mostly been an amazing boyfriend.
we’ve been together for a year and two months. i went down to the water asked him to talk privately and confronted him. i walked back to the tent afterward and he followed me soon after.
when we talked he told me he struggled with a porn addiction from around age 12-14 and that the last time he watched it was about 7 months ago. i’m not sure if i fully believe that yet but i’m trying to take his words seriously. he knows i already struggle with insecurity about my body. i’m not completely flat chested but i’m not curvy either. i’m pretty lanky and have always felt insecure about my appearance.
the images i saw were of someone who looked very different from me and it really affected me. he explained that when he was addicted he would make a habit of watching something different every night. i don’t want to ignore how sorry he seemed. he genuinely looked ashamed and remorseful.
i tried to stay calm and told him i appreciated him being honest and that i understood addiction is complicated but he still told me he knew he had made a mistake. we ended up lying in my tent while it rained and eventually i broke down crying. he kept telling me he loves me and that i’m enough that it wasn’t about me but the more i thought about it the worse i felt about myself.
eventually i calmed down because he kept trying to comfort me. he seemed genuinely upset and hurt that he had caused me pain. he’s not someone who cries easily so seeing how affected he was made me realize how much this impacted both of us.
later we went to a hotel with his friends to wait out the storm. when we had some privacy we ended up having sex because i wanted to feel wanted and needed reassurance that i was still enough for him. that night though my thoughts started spiraling again.
i pulled away from him while he slept. he went outside to smoke and i ended up crying in the bathroom before joining him on the balcony. i smoked drank a little and sat there crying on the other side of him.
all i could think was how could he do this to me? he got turned on by someone else. he chose to look at another girl when i was right there. he always asked me for videos and pictures and i would send them because i wanted to make him happy. why wasn’t that enough?
what hurt even more was remembering that during that time i was struggling mentally in college. there were nights when we would call i would fall asleep and later he would wake up and use porn. it made me feel replaceable.
i have never felt this insecure before. my boyfriend is a very conventionally attractive person and i’ve always felt like i’m just average. but i know i’m a good girlfriend. i’m kind understanding smart funny and respectful. i know i bring a lot to the relationship but i can’t change my body or my face.
while we were sitting there he started crying too. i had never seen him cry like that before. he kept telling me he loves me and that he feels terrible for hurting me. he said he feels like he doesn’t deserve me and hearing that made everything even more emotional.
i told him i don’t want to break up with him but i also needed him to understand how deeply this hurt me. i told him i felt like it crossed a boundary for me especially because my previous relationship involved emotional cheating which is already a sensitive topic for me. he cried harder and kept saying that he loves me but knows he hurt me.
he told me that i always make excuses for him and that i need to let myself be angry instead of immediately trying to make everything okay. so i finally told him everything i was feeling and he listened.
we went to sleep feeling like we understood each other a little better but i’m still hurting. i can tell he is too.
i don’t want to leave him. i love him his family has been wonderful to me he fits into my life and he’s even going to the same college as me this fall. overall he has been a really good boyfriend. i just feel completely blindsided and i don’t know if this is something a relationship can recover from.
i’m willing to work through it and he seems willing too. i just don’t know how to rebuild my confidence or feel secure again. he keeps reassuring me and trying to make me feel better but i still feel hurt.
i’m also trying to hold it together because we still have three days left of this beach trip and his friends are here. i don’t want to ruin the trip because i was the one who went through his phone and found something painful but my feelings feel so overwhelming right now.
Last updated on:2026-08-03T23:55:12+05:30
Comments (4)
the part that stands out to me is how much you’re blaming yourself for looking through his phone while you’re the one sitting with the hurt
finding something that hurt my confidence too, and even when my ex reassured me, that little voice kept asking why i wasn’t enough.
you think about what hurts the most right now, is it the porn itself or the feeling that you were replaceable during a time when you were already struggling?
Damn it, painful to hear. I can understand,but if he's more willing to change for you,then it's for the better. But if it doesn't work.i donk think you should be investing in the relationship. Fr thier parents must be good but that doesn't mean anything to this situation. Good luck and do the right thing.