Why do i still miss him after everything?

i feel like i've lost a part of myself or maybe i gave it away without realizing it. i keep asking myself why i still can't let him go. why do i still ache for someone who looked at my vulnerability with contempt? why does any part of me still crave something that hurt me so deeply?
i hate that i still miss the physical side of us. i don't miss him. i miss the intimacy. i miss kissing someone who wanted me. i miss the way he'd touch me the intensity the way he'd pull me so close that everything else disappeared for a while. there was something so consuming about it that neither of us ever seemed able to stop once it started.
but i don't miss his cruelty. i don't miss the disrespect. i don't miss feeling small.
he broke my heart. he left me. he abandoned me. and somehow i still find myself missing the version of him who let me get close the moments when he'd lower his walls just enough for me to believe there was something real underneath.
why did the good parts have to feel so incredible when everything else was falling apart?
he made me feel like i belonged to him and i let myself believe it. i let go of my pride. i drifted away from my friends. i gave up pieces of my peace because loving him became my whole world. i kept choosing him over myself until i barely recognized who i was anymore.
there's still a bruise from one time he bit me so hard. i never thought a mark could last this long. sometimes it feels like my body healed more than my mind ever did.
i keep wondering why he couldn't just tell me he didn't love me anymore. why he watched me beg instead of letting me go when i was already breaking.

Last updated on:2026-08-05T17:35:12+05:30