I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 3 months. From the beginning I've noticed that he isn't very comfortable with physical affection. We've probably kissed around five times in total and every time it happened because I asked. Despite that we get along really well and have built our relationship around trust and knowing each other well.
I've known for a long time that he's attracted to men too but recently I brought it up again after discussing it several times. We eventually decided to open up our relationship. There was no intention of cheating. We both genuinely wanted to explore things. He wanted to know what it would be like to date a man and I was interested in possibly having a hookup.
The problem is that since opening the relationship I've started noticing that some of my feelings for him are fading. I've also developed a crush on one of our close friends. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he was somewhat supportive although his reaction was a little strange.
He's mentioned making a Grindr profile and looking for a date and I've been supportive of that. But when I told him about my feelings for our friend he became noticeably more reserved. He hasn't forbidden me from doing anything or told me I can't see him but I've noticed that my patience with my boyfriend has decreased a lot. I get annoyed with him much more easily than I used to.
I don't necessarily want to break up. A big part of me is worried about our parents finding out and having to explain everything especially because he's still closeted. It would make things really complicated and uncomfortable.
At the same time I find my friend much more attractive than my boyfriend and I feel like there might be signs that he's interested in me too. I could also just be imagining things because I already have feelings for him.
There have also been issues with my boyfriend before. Around eight months into our relationship he started talking to men online and exchanging explicit photos. I tried to act normal and support him when he became worried about those people having his photos. We talked about it but he did it again later and eventually confessed.
Now I'm really confused. I don't know whether I'm losing feelings because we've opened the relationship because I've developed feelings for someone else or because there have already been trust issues between us. I don't want to make a decision I'll regret but I also don't know how long I can keep pretending everything feels the same.
Last updated on:2026-08-11T01:43:12+05:30
Comments (3)
if there were no parents to explain things to and no fear about him being closeted, do you think you'd still choose to stay with him?
the affection slowly disappears and suddenly every little thing your partner does gets under your skin. i kept blaming myself for changing until i admitted i was already unhappy.
Sounds like you two would be better as just friends, he is clearly very confused with his sexuality and unfortunately it's holding you back. It's no one's fault, but you can't hold yourself back for anyone.