i’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and our anniversary was just two days ago.
i want to give some background about myself first. i struggle with severe depression anxiety PTSD and OCD. i know i’m not always easy to date and my mental health has been especially bad over the past month. my anxiety and OCD have been making everyday things really difficult. for example i sometimes can’t leave the house without checking everything multiple times which has caused me to be late to things including being four hours late to our anniversary because i was having a really bad episode.
because of my anxiety trust has always been difficult for me. when we first started talking i made it very clear that cheating was a dealbreaker for me. if trust was ever broken i didn’t think i could repair the relationship. i also told him that if we ever reached a point where things weren’t okay and he felt like he needed attention or validation from another girl i would rather he talk to me about it than secretly do something behind my back.
our communication has been really bad lately. i’ve been struggling a lot mentally and the last month has been full of arguments fights and me crying. i know that can be exhausting for another person and i know i haven’t been doing well. my boyfriend also has DID so we both came into this relationship with our own struggles.
he has never physically cheated on me or betrayed my trust before. he did cheat in high school multiple times though and in his previous relationship about a year in he had an issue where he messaged girls on Snapchat for short conversations because he wanted some validation. it happened once and never happened again.
i knew his history when we got together which is why we created a lot of boundaries and rules around trust. i had his phone password and Face ID as well as passwords for Snapchat Instagram X and other social media. he also told me i could look through his phone whenever i needed to.
i know that wasn’t healthy for me in the beginning. i checked his phone constantly and was always looking for something to be wrong. eventually though i started trusting him more. i went from checking all the time to maybe once every couple of weeks and eventually i barely touched his phone.
despite everything he has been an incredibly patient and loving boyfriend. he has treated me in ways i’ve always wanted to be treated. he brings me flowers takes me on nice dates holds doors open for me and makes me feel cared for. whenever we were together time seemed to go by way too fast.
this past month has been difficult because of my mental health but he was still kind patient and supportive. before this he had never given me a reason to believe he would betray my trust.
then yesterday happened.
we were sleeping and i had a really bad dream about his ex texting him. when i woke up i was completely disoriented and couldn’t tell what was real and what was part of the dream. i grabbed his phone and checked his messages.
there was nothing there at first but then i looked at his recently deleted messages.
i found several short conversations between him and other girls. altogether maybe 30 messages at most. Some conversations were only three or four messages long. Because they had been deleted i couldn’t see exactly what was said. One of them looked like it might have just been a friendly conversation where they were getting to know each other.
A little while later he woke up and took his phone into the bathroom. When he came back those messages were gone so i never got to see exactly what they said.
when i confronted him he initially told me the conversations were innocent and that he would never cheat on me. as i became more upset and kept asking questions he eventually told me what had actually happened.
a few days earlier he had a lapse in judgment and downloaded Hinge again.
the conversations were short. A few messages at most. He told some of them that he didn’t use social media and gave them his phone number so they could talk there. The worst thing i saw was him saying he was looking for an FWB although there was nothing i saw that was explicitly sexual beyond that.
at some point he realized how wrong it was. he told me he had only wanted to feel attractive and get a little validation for a moment. He deleted the conversations blocked most of the numbers and deleted Hinge again.
apparently he spent the next day being quiet while he was with me because he was trying to figure out how to tell me.
i ended the relationship.
i told him i needed space to figure out what i wanted. i love him so much and anyone who has seen us together knows that he loves me too. that’s what makes this so hard for me. i can’t understand how someone who loves me and treats me so well could still make this choice.
i’m also scared to tell my family. if i tell them what happened and eventually decide to forgive him i’m afraid they’ll never forgive him or accept him again. i honestly don’t have many people i can talk to about this.
part of me thinks i should walk away completely. maybe this is a sign that the relationship wasn’t working anymore.
but another part of me wants to give him another chance.
nothing physical happened but to me this still feels like emotional cheating. He told me he would do anything to fix things. During our conversation he never blamed me or our relationship for what he did. He admitted that he doesn’t have a real answer for why he did it but said he would do whatever i needed including therapy taking space creating new boundaries and having honest conversations before we ever considered trying again.
he even told me that he wants me to be happy and if that means being happy without him he would have to accept that. he said that if i still wanted him in my life he would be willing to just be my friend and let me make whatever choices i needed to make.
i don’t know what to do.
i’m heartbroken but at the same time part of me feels like we haven’t truly been happy for a while because my mental health has been so bad. i also know i’ve refused to get the help or medication i probably need.
i love him but i don’t know if i can trust him again. i don’t know if this is something we can rebuild from or if i need to let him go.
right now i just feel completely lost.
Last updated on:2026-08-13T05:43:11+05:30
Comments (8)
Get a new boyfriend
I don't think you need to add the anxiety of a partner who is not all in. If you worry about your mental health already, an unreliable partner is just going to increase that tenfold. Let him go find the validation he needs. He's not a steady support for you and you need that.
You need to focus on yourself and your mental health right now. I don't think you should get back together or attempt a relationship again at this point.
I’d suggest you leave as you’re already struggling with anxiety and PTSD ETC. Like wtf don’t make your life any harder then it already is. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
A man who loves you wouldn’t do that and you know that come on. Move on
I feel where you're coming from I too have DID and I know how the alters can take over I'm glad you accepted the fact that he has that going on I just lost the woman I would sacrifice everything for after a six year relationship I got out of jail thinking I was going to come home to her loving arms because she said she would wait but those where saccharine lies it's ok to not trust just focus on your healing you matter and should come first when it comes down to it remember if you don't love yourself first you can't love someone else so please as a queen keep your Head Up and never forget who you are
Would he have forgiven you? You don't want actual advice, you just want someone to validate what you want to do which is staying. Its your choice.
You shouldn't be eating someone even if they cheated just once or said it's nothing because in the end it doesn't change anything he still cheated...
If my partner needed interaction with random women to feel attractive, I'd release him to that life. His attention is enough for me. If mine isn't enough for him, I'm sad but I move on.