We broke up in December and have been no contact for over two months. I decided to try dating apps and went on a date last night. It actually went well but instead of feeling excited it made me realise how much I still miss her and how far from being over her I really am. I just felt hollow afterward. Today I ended up writing a poem about how much I will always love her and how I hope maybe we'll find our way back to each other someday.
I want to be clear that our relationship had become toxic and we both have a lot of work to do on ourselves. I have my own childhood trauma and childhood sexual abuse that I need to work through before I can be in another serious relationship. I don't want to get back together with her unless I know I can show up in a healthier way and not bring those issues back into the relationship. I also don't expect her to wait for me and honestly I don't even know if getting back together is something she would ever want.
I've genuinely been trying to move forward. I've been focusing on myself making new friends and trying not to dwell on her too much. I haven't been checking her social media even though she hasn't blocked me on everything and I've been trying to keep those thoughts in moderation.
Unfortunately today I was feeling especially heartbroken and curious. After spending so much time writing this poem I checked her Letterboxd and noticed a guy with no mutual friends who is following her and being followed by her. I then checked Spotify and found the same thing there. She has also added songs about rebounding after heartbreak to a playlist that was about me.
I know none of this is concrete proof but my mind is telling me the most likely explanation is that she's seeing someone casually maybe someone she met through an app or in person.
And honestly I don't have a problem with her seeing someone else. I understand that sex can just be sex and she's free to live her life. I just really wish I hadn't seen him.
Last updated on:2026-08-19T04:11:11+05:30
Comments (4)
i know you said you don't mind her seeing someone else, but do you think seeing him hurts because it makes the possibility of getting back together feel less real?
i went on a date that was actually good and spent the whole ride home missing my ex so badly it felt like i'd betrayed myself somehow
Btw. Why did you have so long contact after the break up?
Do not send her anything.